Friday, August 26, 2005
I started my period today. I was early again. It was a blessing though because I was feeling so crummy. This is a bad period though. Horrible cramps, headaches, and heavy heavy bleeding. I'm so ready for this to end. If we go ahead with the adoption I might seriously consider a hysterectomy. No one should have to live like is month after month after month. I have isolated myself so much that I have no friends left. Lately all I have the energy to do is go to work and come home. I couldn't even play tennis this week because I was in so much pain. At least it only lasted 6 days this time. Only?! If I had any other kind of illness(like a cold or the flu) and it lasted 6 -14 days, I would go to the doctor and see what could be done to make it better. Problem is, there is nothing that can be done and my doctor doesn't really seem to care. He could at least prescribe me some good drugs that I could take when I get home from work. It's not like I have a social life or go anywhere anyway. We HAVE to scrape up the money for me to have this surgery. Soon. I can feel myself sinking into a pretty bad depression again. I feel helpless and like nobody cares about my pain. I am taking the postponement of my surgery very personally. It just seems so wrong. How come nothing ever goes they way I want (or need) it to? In the last year especially nothing has gone right. Joe didn't get a full time job(again), our financial situation has NOT changed, I didn't get the two jobs I applied for, we didn't get pregnant, we didn't get to move into a bigger place, etc. The list goes on and on. This is the point at which I would start listing the good things in my life but I just can't right now. I'm going to end now, before I bum everyone out that is reading. I'll feel better tomorrow. I hope.