I am feeling so much better today. The blood pressure meds are working, and I was able to go to work today. And it is Friday! Yahoo! Not that I have any big plans, but Oh, how I do love the weekends. Anyway, on to bigger things. I have started a new blog, to sell some of the items I have been crafting. I am hoping to make a little extra money to help fund our trip. I know it is a long way off, but it is never too early to start saving! You can find the new site here: Wishing Star Designs. It is still a work in progress and I only have one item listed right now, but I will be adding more later tonight. The one item that is listed is pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself. (Warning: if you are my sister and you are reading this, do not click on that link unless you want to ruin both your anniversary and your Easter present suprprises. If you don't mind them not being a surprise, then by all means, click away, because as I said, they are pretty darn cute!)
I am selling these on e-bay too and will be adding my Mother's bracelets soon.

I am about done with Lost. I mean really, how many shows can I watch where nothing happens?
It's a weekly joke at our house. Joe will say to me "Ohhhh...Lost is on tonight. Do you know what's going to happen tonight?" And I will respond with "Yes. Nothing." It would be a really good show if they would explain some things and something actually happened on it. Oh well. Every single person I told about the "fake" interview said I should have gone to it. Especially my husband. Although I know they are right, I have reasons for not wanting to go. I have been trying not to write about every single thing that is going on in my life on this blog. Especially if it isn't "happy" or pleasant. I'm trying to keep a more positive outlook. But the truth is, I haven't been feeling great. Physically. I have been having chronic headaches. Pounding headaches that nothing relieves. My blood pressure has been off the charts lately, despite the medication I am taking. Yesterday it was 150/98. That's pretty high. Today is was just slightly lower. For the last two days I have had a headache unlike any other I have ever had in my life. My back had been aching. My face is swollen when I get up in the morning. All of the symptoms I was having back in June, before the kidney disease was diagnosed. I hadn't been having any of them since the disease went into remission in January. I have been worried. And anxious. And terrified. Today I got up to go to work and cried as I pulled my hair into a ratty ponytail because the headache was so bad. I woke Joe up and he decided there was no way I was going in to work today. He called my boss and said he wanted to take me to the E.R., but I was having none of it. I hate the E.R. Hate. It. So we compromised. I promised to go back to bed and rest, and make an appointment with the nephrologist as soon as they opened. Joe called them at exactly nine o' clock. They were booked solid, but said if we came in at around ten they would squeeze us in. So I dragged myself out of bed, pulled on some sweat pants and we drove to the doctor. Because we didn't have an appointment, we had to wait an hour and a half to see the doctor. It turns out that the Depo Provera shots that my gynecologist put me on cause high blood pressure. Great. The kidney disease was the first thing I told my gyno about when we went in. Supposedly I am not allowed to start taking any new medications without consulting the nephrologist first. It makes sense, but I'm new at this kidney disease stuff and didn't know. Since we can't exactly go off of the Depo for another two months, he upped the dose on my blood pressure meds and put me on Prevacid because my abdomen was quite sensitive to him prodding it. My reflux has been worse in the last few weeks. So I got to stay home today. And I am feeling much better. The headache is almost completely gone. He said I shouldn't worry prematurely about whether or not my kidney disease has come back until I get my test results back in May. That seems like a long time to wait, but what am I gonna do. I must find a way to stop worrying. I must. So that was my day. Didn't I just say two days ago that things were uneventful around here? Maybe I should keep my big mouth shut! :)

I called about the job interview today and they already filled the position. I guess that answers my question as to whether I should have called back sooner. It's okay though. Obviously it wasn't meant to be. The strange thing is that when I called and talked to the person, she said she would still like to interview me in case something came up in the future. Ummmm...No thank you. Do you have any idea how much I would stress out over a job interview, even if it was for a job I wasn't going to get? Not my idea of fun. She did say she would pass my resume on to some of her colleagues though. I though that was nice of her. So I'm still on the lookout for a job. I did receive a notice from Monster.com that the local Fertility Clinic is hiring a front and back office medical assistant, no experience required. Sounds like the perfect job. NOT! Can you imagine? Do you think it would bother them if I cried every time one of my patients got pregnant? Ha! That would be funny. And a bit sad. But funny. Oh well, gotta go. I have dinner in the Crockpot and I need to run to the store for some mashed potatos and veggies to go with it. I love my Crock pot. How did I not use it before now?

5 Months!

Oh my gosh, I have been so preoccupied I forgot our 5 month "LIDversary!" I must say, if the months continue to go by as quickly as they have been, we'll have Sophie before we know it!
I'm on day eleven of the period that never ends. I know that doesn't really interest you in the least, but I write it mostly so I will remember how long it has been going on when I call the doctor about it. Oh, and I have been playing phone tag with the job interview people, and they didn't respond to my last message. Do I wait for them to call again? Do I call them and leave another message? I don't know what the protocol is and I don't want to come across as desperate. Even though I am. I need to get out of the sucking hole that is my job right now. Other than that, things are good. Ordinary. Non-eventful. Good.

I am feeling slightly better. The migraine is gone. The period that never ends is still going strong(sorry, gross) and am having quite a bit of pain(cramping). I'm ready for that to be done with. I layed around in bed all day yesterday. Sometimes I don't mind doing that, but other times it really bothers me. I lie there thinking "I have so much to do!", "I should get up!". Sometimes being so unproductive and not feeling well can start me on a tailspin into a depressive episode. Realizing this, at 5:00 last night my husband turns to me and says "How about we go for a drive?". I balked a little, but he talked me into it, and we headed off towards Laguna Beach, one of our favorite places. We watched the sunset on the beach and did a little window shopping and had a wonderful time. Here are some pictures. I updated the quilt blog again. I have received 51 wishes so far. More than half way there!

Blah

That's how I have been feeling. Blah. I have been feeling nauseous for the last two days. I figured it was from the birth control shot, until today on my way home from work I started seeing flashing lights. Uh-Oh, I knew what that was. It was an Aura, the beginning of a migraine for me. This one was so bad I could barely see and had a very hard time driving home. Soon after arriving home the pain started. Horrible, pounding pain on the right side of my head. I immediatly got into bed with the lights off and a heating pad on my head. It helped a little. I still have the pain now though. Sometimes a migraine will last overnight and into the next day for me. It is awful. I actually haven't had one in many years. That's how I know it is the birth control shot that is causing it. It is the only thing I have changed in the last month. Speaking of the shot, I am on day eight of my period with no signs of it slowing down. Yay. My cycle usually lasts only four days. Five at the most. I'm bummed because it's not like I can stop taking it. It will be in my system for the next two months. I don't think I will be having another. I'll be going to bed early tonight and hopefully will be feeling better in the morning.



Oh, and guess what? I got a job interview! I have to call and schedule it on Monday. I am excited. And terrified. But mostly excited.

Under Pressure

Job hunting bites. Sorry to be so blunt, but it really does. I'm feeling the pressure of leaving a job of fourteen years. It is hard. Harder then I thought it would be. I'm trying to get along at work and keep a positive attitiude. My boss continues to try and make my life miserable. I will not let her. Do you hear me? I will not let you make me miserable. No one has the power to do that. I can't change the situation, but I can change how I feel about it. There are only ten more weeks until summer. Ten more weeks. I can do this(I think I can, I think I can). No. I know I can. I will find a better job. I am qualified and I deserve it(and gosh darn it, people like me!). Okay, enough with the cheesy quotes. I'm off to bed.

Technical Difficulties

You know how my husband's computer died last week and now I have to let him use mine? Well, on Saturday I forgot to take his cell phone out of his pants and I ran it through the washer(and dryer). Needless to say, it died also. Now I have to let him use my phone too, because he drives around all day and I stay in one place. Why don't I just give him my car and we'll call it a day? Sheesh...........

I updated the quilt blog again. I'm up to square 46. Almost halfway there. I think I'm going to have to join a couple more swaps to get this thing finished. Today was good for a Monday. I did Paper Mache with the kids. I love to do Paper Mache. Some of the kids liked it, some did not. I'm thinking the kids who enjoyed it are sensory kids because the ones who didn't like it hated it. We made Easter eggs and will paint them when they dry in three or four days. I'm off to watch Dancing with the Stars. Does it make me a geek that I LOVE this show and couldn't wait for it to come back on? Wait, don't answer that.......

Happy Anniversary

I want to wish a Happy Anniversary to my sees-ter. They are celebrating twelve years of wedded bliss today(Ha !) (Just kidding) I haven't talked to her, but I hope they did something fun.

Reading

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. I am averaging about a book per week. There was a period of time(like two years) where I stopped reading altogether. I had forgotten how much I enjoy it. Many nights now I will choose a book over the television. First I read Perfect Match by Jodi Piccoult. I love all of her book so far. I couldn't put it down. Then Joe got me an advance reader's copy of The Blue Zone. I didn't think it was the kind of book that I would like, but it was a fast paced thriller and I did enjoy it. Then Joe brought home Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris. Again, I was reluctant to try it because it just didn't seem like my kind of book, but when I started reading it it made me laugh out loud at times because it was so funny. And yet it was sad too, because it is supposedly his autobiography and he had a very dysfunctional upbringing. I am currently reading two books at once. I don't normally do that, but I started reading one a couple of days ago, and then I picked up another last night when I went to visit Joe. Of course I started reading it too, and now I'm hooked. The first one is The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Neffenegger. This is yet another one I didn't want to read, because it is a science fiction book and I don't usually like those. But Joe really pushed me to read it, and I like it very much so far. Finally, last night I picked up Little Children by Tom Perotta. I heard the movie was very good and we are planning to see it but I like to read the book before seeing the movie. Next on my list of must reads is The Kite Runner and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.
So what are you reading?

TGIF

It's Friday. Yay. I love Fridays. Joe works every Friday night and sometimes I go hang out at the bookstore and browse or read a book, just so I can see him and then we go out on his dinner break. That's where I'm headed in a half an hour. I think I may be getting sick. I feel a sore throat coming on. Bummer. It has actually been almost two months since the last time I was sick, so it's O.K. My immune system must have finally built itself back up after the Prednisone. Today was a much better day. I told you I wasn't going to let anything spoil my Friday. And I didn't. Yay me. I have many more quilt squares to post and will try to get to it this weekend. It is supposed to be beautiful this weekend. In the high seventies. I hope to make more of an effort to get outside this weekend(unlike last weekend). Today we did our annual tradition of making Green Eggs and Ham in honor of St. Patrick's Day. The kids loved it. I got all but three to try it. Those three wouldn't budge though. Did they not listen to the story? Sheesh! I remembered to take pictures this year. I know it looks gross, but it is actually very good!
Lots of random thoughts today.

Thank you for the kind comments. You guys rock. I'm going to keep chanting the mantra "change is good", "change is good", "change is good". Today was marginally better than yesterday. Tomorrow is Friday, and I'm not letting anything ruin that day, and then it will be the weekend. Yay. I am feeling slightly calmer about the situation(mixed in with moments of pure panic). I typed up my resume yesterday, and have already put it out there, both online and with a friend who works in the dental field. I think the hardest part about this whole thing was coming to the realization that I don't want to work with kids anymore. There. I said it. I don't want to work with kids anymore. That statement causes me to feel a lot of guilt. I love working with kids, right? I'm good at it. I have a degree in early childhood education. I have been doing it for twenty years, since I was sixteen years old. In fact, it is the only work I have ever done. But I don't want to do it anymore. I'm tired. And burnt out. I'm worried that with my health issues I won't have anything left over for Sophie after spending all day with other people's children. Other people's children who are pretty ill behaved most of the time. I don't want to do it anymore. And that alone makes me feel sad. I though this was my calling. I really did. And now I don't know what to think. I have seriously considered going back to school. Except that we can't afford it and I just don't think I could do it while working full time. Maybe I could get a student loan. I don't know. So many things are uncertain right now. It makes me uneasy. And anxious. And scared. I can't wait until Saturday when I can lay in bed with the the covers over my head. Because that's all I want to do right now.

I have been trying to post only happy, upbeat things here lately, but to tell you the truth I'm having a hard time. Work is horrible. I am miserable there. I don't know how much longer I will be able to continue. This alone is freaking me out because, dude, I have to find another job and I have worked at this job for fourteen years and it makes me sad to think it is ending this way. I don't want to get into it(you never know who is reading), but my boss and I aren't on exactly good terms and she is trying to make my life miserable. Successfully. I try so hard not to let it bother me. So hard. But it does. Joe says she is not worth one minute of my tears or heartache. And I know he's right. But when someone treats you badly it is hard not to take it personally. I leave every day in tears. I am terrified of the job hunting process. I haven't been on a job interview in ten years. I am afraid. And sad. And afraid.

Why the Food Network is Evil

Yesterday I'm sitting at home, minding my own business, when I turn on the T.V. and flip over to the Food Network. Suddenly on the screen I see this and decide instantly I. must. have. that.
I actually got off of the couch, got dressed, went to the store and bought the ingredients and came home and made these bad boys. They were soooooo good. Joe actually said it was the best dessert I had ever made. You can find the recipe here. Beware! They are delicious and addicting! You have been warned!






I also updated the quilt blog again. The wishes just keep flying in.

Finished

Well, almost. I worked on the quilt blog for a couple of hours today, and managed to re post all of the pictures. I even added the text for each wish, since they were hard to read in some of the pictures. I still have three or for wishes to post, so don't worry if you don't see yours there yet. I think I am up to about thirty-five or so. I'll know the exact number when I finish posting. I have to say, I will be a littler bit sad when I reach 100. I truly love going to the mailbox to see what wonderful squares and wishes I have received that day. It continues to be a gorgeous weekend here. The temps were in the high eighties. Actually, now that I think about it, how is it that I have yet to go outside today? I'm off to take a walk with Joe. At least now it'll be light for another hour or so.

Frustrated

I am so frustrated with Blogger right now. I can't believe it erased almost every single picture of my quilt squares. And I can't just go and re post them because most of them I uploaded to Joe's computer, and not mine, and his computer decided to die on us two days ago(He says he thinks it is time for a new computer for him. I say unless the money falls from the sky, he's not getting it. We'll just have to send it away for an interminably long time and see if Apple can fix it. Also, sharing a computer is for the birds because, he has to use it for work, you know, and I am just messing around. Sigh.) So I will have to re-take all of the pictures and upload them to my computer. I do not have the patience for that right now. Aside from that, it has been a lovely Saturday. Lunch with my Dad at B.J.'s for some yummy pizza, laid in bed and read for awhile, now watching a movie with my hubby. I love Saturdays. How is your weekend going so far?

I saw this on both Joannah's and Kathy's blogs and I had to copy it. It's cool!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I updated the quilt blog again. I also went back and put each wish in their own post, like they deserved. I still have a couple more wishes to post.

I just noticed that all of the work I did on Friday is not showing up now. There are no pictures in the posts. Arrrrgh! Sometimes I hate Blogger. I'll try to go back and fix it later. Sigh.

Feeling Better

I'm done having my pity party now. My husband always seems to be able to make sense of things when I can't. He says the wait is what it is, and nothing is going to change it, especially stressing out over it. He also said that maybe it is supposed to take this long. It gives us more time to prepare. I should listen to him more often. Sometimes he makes a lot of sense :) Anyway, what's the best way to cure the referral blues? Why, to go to Disneyland of course. Yup, today I knocked off of work a little early and we went to the happiest place on Earth. We had so much fun! Lisa bought me a yearly pass for my birthday, and Joe got his today, so now we can go anytime we want. I love Disneyland. First we headed over to California Adventure to ride on The Hollywood Tower of Terror because neither of us had been on it before. This ride scared the heck out of me! I spent the entire ride clutching Joe's hand very tightly with my head buried in his shoulder. When I got off I told Joe I don't want to go on that ride again! Of course, now that a little bit of time has passed, I think I want to try it again. The funniest part of today was when we headed over to check out the Monster's Inc. ride. There was a Disney employee standing at the front of the ride and it was closed. Joe walked up to him and the following conversation took place:

Joe: "Hi! Why is the ride closed?"
Friendly Disney Employee: "Because we ran out of Scream".
Joe: "Huh?"
Friendly Disney Employee: "We ran out of Scream".
Joe: ?????
Friendly Disney Employee: "Our city runs on screams and we ran out, so the ride is closed".
Joe: "Ummmmm....O.K."
He then walked away and said to me "That man takes his job way to seriously!"

I thought it was so funny!


(If you have never seen the movie "Monster's Inc.", the monsters collect the screams of children and use them to power their city).


Oh, here's a picture of Joe and me on Buzz Lightyear's Astroblaster's ride. I was so intent on winning that I have the Astro blaster gun completely blocking my face! Joe looks pretty serious too, but if you'll notice, I kicked his behind!

Referral Blues

I don't usually obsess about the referrals each month. I try not to. Usually I just go to the sites that have received one, drool over their referral photos and get my baby fix, and move on, knowing we are one month closer to Sophie. This month's referrals(or lack thereof) have gotten me down. Well, it'a not just the referrals. It's the projection of our wait time. If things continue as they have, we will not get our referral until 2009. Two. Thousand. and. Nine. I could be thirty nine years old before I have a child. I feel like an idiot decorating the nursery now. What's the point? For all I know we won't even be be living here in three years. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my bed with the covers drawn up over my head. There will probably be some tears shed too. Happy Monday.

Lantern Festival

Today is the celebration of the Chinese Lantern festival. On the night of the festival, decorative lanterns depicting birds, beasts, historical figures, and any one of a number of different themes are carried by children or adorn temples. To highlight these glowing works of art, competitions are held . The Taipei Lantern Festival, held annually at Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall Plaza and the largest and most famous of these competitions, is attended every year by thousands of lantern-watchers. The Lantern Festival is further enriched by the customary lantern riddle parties that are held on this night.

The night sky on Lantern Festival is also illuminated by the Tainan Yanshui Fireworks Display and Taipei Pinghsi Sky Lanterns - known together as "Fireworks in the South, Sky Lanterns in the North," as well as many other regional folk activities.

In addition to displaying and appreciating lanterns, Lantern Festival is also celebrated by eating tang yuan, an important custom symbolizing family unity and indispensable to the day's festivities.

The varied festivities and customs practiced on Lantern Festival not only provide celebrants with rich entertainment, like the historical-theme lantern displays and riddles, but are also instructive, by their expression of ancient wisdom. The variety of splendid lantern features different folk art techniques, impressing these arts deep in the hearts and minds of the people.

We have a Chinese Cultural Center in our town, about six blocks from where we live. We could walk there. How cool is that? It wasn't here when we moved in. It was built only a few years ago. Tonight they had some beautiful floats in the parking lot of the center, illuminated with thousands of beautiful lights. It was so pretty. Here are some pictures. Each float repsresents a Chinese legend. A little girl, about six, walked up to me while I was taking pictures and said "I know all of these legends. If you're Chinese, you have to know them." And then she walked away. It was pretty cute. I guess I'll be brushing up on my Chinese legends when Sophie is old enough to understand. They were giving out some very cute lanterns that lit up and were shaped like pigs. They were very cute,but they were only giving them out to the children. Where are my niece and nephew when I need them? :)

Look What My Dad Made Us

Check out this stunning stained glass picture that my Dad made us. Isn't it beautiful? It was going to be a birthday present for Joe, but the frame wasn't quite finished. Joe loooooooooves it. I wanted to hang it in Sophie's room but Joe wants it in the living room so he can look at it all the time. We are so lucky to have such a talented Father. Thanks Dad!

Look what I found

I was visiting my husband at his part time job yesterday when I came across this. It is a journal to put all of your fortunes from fortune cookies in. Each page has a space to paste a fortune, as well as room to write the date you got it and any significance you feel the fortune has. I don't really find much signifgance in fortune cookie fortunes, but I think it is a cute idea. Joe and I are going to see if we can fill it up with fortunes for Sophie. I guess we better start eating a lot more Chinese food! I also found these while I was there. They're so cute. I'm going to use them to make some more wishes to send out. I also got this book, and now I can't put it down. I had these in my basket too, but decided I better show some self control. I did love the vintage look of them though. I really need to stay out of that store. I can never pass up that employee discount!

Quilt Square Blog Updated

I have updated my 100 Good wishes quilt blog. Thank you so much to everyone that has sent me wishes in the last month. The fabrics are so beautiful and the wishes are neat. I have twenty-five squares now. One quarter of the way done. Sadly, none of my family has sent anything as of yet(*sniff*). I know we have plenty of time, but I'm afraid people will forget. I may have to send out postcard reminders in a few months! I signed up for another quilt swap, so I should be getting another 30 or 40 wishes from that. Here's a link to the quilt blog if you'd like to see the wishes I have received so far.