Manic Monday

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it wasn't a good day, it being Monday and all. Mondays are supposed to be bad, right? Ugh. What a rotten day. I am so discouraged and frustrated with trying to find a job. I send out fifteen resumes a week(at least). Most of these say "No experience needed. We will train". Then how come they won't train me? Most of the time I don't even get a response. I have gone on five interviews. I have not gotten a call back on any of them. Is there something wrong with me? Do I not interview well? I have gone on many interviews in the childcare field over the last fourteen years, and I was offered all of the jobs. Every single one. I don't get it. This is really doing a number on my self esteem. I am starting to think there is something terribly wrong with me. I am about to throw in the towel and start applying to preschools and childcare centers. Even though I can't see myself doing that anymore. Not to mention I physically think I just can't do it. But I need to start bringing in more money. Now. We simply can't live like this for much longer. We can't pay our bills. I cried myself to sleep last night. In the middle of all of this we have to move in four days. Most of our stuff is not packed. There is so much to do and I feel so overwhelmed. When I came home today I lost it because Joe hadn't gotten more done(he had today off), and we got in a huge screaming fight. Well, I screamed. He mostly just tried to stay out of my way. I actually threw something. I didn't throw it at him, but still. That's how pissed I was. Then I went into the bedroom and cried. And cried some more. And then I fell asleep. At five o' clock! I slept for an hour! I have been so tired lately. My eyes are practically swollen shut now. I am actually looking forward to going to bed in an hour because when I am sleeping I don't have to think about any of this. Sigh. (Yes, I do realize that is a sign of depression. I'm depressed, okay?)