Communing with Nature

I find myself with another day off this coming Monday. I'm actually not even sure why. Another conference for the doctor, I suppose. Anyway, it came up in a conversation a few days ago with my hubby and he mentions that he is working Friday night instead of Saturday, and he has no class on Monday either(he's not sure why either. Funny how we don't question our days off!). Anyway, instantly I'm thinking Hmmmmm......we both have three whole days off-we should DO something! You know, instead of laying around our apartment all day, doing, well-nothing. Except we have no money right now. Drat. So we're thinking maybe a day trip? Possibly to the snow? Except it has been in the seventies here the last two days and I'm thinking maybe something warmer. I'm totally jonesing for Spring. So I go searching the internet for something cheap(preferably free) for us to do this weekend. After much searching, I found a guy(who I have corresponded with before through Freecycle) looking to get rid of some camping reservations he had for this weekend for twenty bucks. I was all over that! And it's only a little over an hour away from our house. At the beach! Score! So this weekend we'll be camping at the beach, relaxing and chilling out and communing with nature. Three days and two nights for twenty bucks. Yes! I cannot wait. This will be my view when I wake up on Sunday(and Monday) mornings: Can. Not. Wait.

My New Obsession

Last weekend while I was cleaning out my craft area, I came across a stack of postcards that I had acquired through a post card swap with my October Yahoo group over a year ago. I brushed the dust off of them, photocopied the back sides and put them into an album so they could be enjoyed. I had so much fun looking at them and reading the messages people wrote to me and to Sophie. I also put the "Love" postcards I had received from the last postcard swap in the album. I thought to myself how much I love getting mail and wouldn't it be neat to join in some other post card swaps. So I googled "post card swap" and this site came up: Postcrossing. I signed up and now I am hooked! I have already sent out five postcards and am anxiously awaiting receiving some. It is so cool. You set up a free account. They give you addresses from all around the world to send postcards to. Each postcard has an ID# that you write on it. When you send or receive cards, you type in your ID# and the site keeps track of where you have sent/received on a map customized for you, with your postcards. It even tracks the total distances of your cards. They only let you send out five postcards at a time and I can hardly wait until my first five are received so I can send out more. The addresses I was given for my first five were Norway, Germany, Brazil, Finland and-you guessed it-China! How cool is that? I can't wait to receive my first post card. I'm like a kid on Christmas every time I go to the mailbox. It doesn't help that every time I get the mail I have to sing The Letter song from Blue's Clues. Every. Single. Time. I can't help it. It is often followed by The Mail Song,also from Blue's Clue's. Of course my husband thinks I am insane. He might be right. What can I say. Working with kids for nineteen years has a tendency to rot your brain a teeny bit :)

Wordless Wednesday

***Edited-I just realized I titled this post "Wordless Wednesday", and it totally has words!  DUH!  Sometimes I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.  I would post a more appropriate picture for Wordless Wednesday, but I'm too lazy.****

Eleven Things

Mrs. Figby has asked people to post eleven things in their everyday lives that make them happy. I'm trying to spend more time being thankful, so I jumped all over this one. Here are eleven things in my everyday life that make me happy:

My Laptop. I heart my Mac. I use it every day.





My picture wall. I took some pictures down to update them. There are usually more pics in the upper left hand corner. Just looking at this wall is enough to make me smile.


















My dog. She can be a pain and her nickname is "Cujo" because she becomes vicious around people she doesn't know, but she is so very happy to see me when I come home at the end of the day.













My craft area. Often referred to as my "crap" area. Since it has been cleaned up I feel inspired to go there and create more. Yes, this is clean. You should have seen it before.















I can't very well mention the dog without mentioning the cat. We've had her for fifteen years. I don't know why she looks so pissed off in this picture. I assure you she was not.












My Blog friends. I visit them every day.












The Baby's room. Usually the door to this room remains shut and neither of us go in there very often. I have been spending a lot of time in there lately and sometimes I just sit on the floor amongst the toys and the books and the baby stuff and I imagine an actual baby in there someday.



















This Lavender Rosemary lotion. It smells heavenly. I use it every day.


















Our granite counter tops. They did a lot of upgrades when we moved into our new apartment, and this was one of them. They are soooooo nice. Sometimes I am still surprised to see them when I go in there and I'm like Dude. Granite counter tops. Sweet.











My bathroom. This is my girly bathroom. No one goes in there but me. That means there isn't any crap all over the counters, and the toilet is always clean and there are never any spots on the mirror. I will have to share this room when Sophie comes home, but for now it is mine. All mine.














My bed. This is not my bed. I wish it was. My own bed is currently unmade and covered in a pile of laundry that needs folding. My bed is however, extremely comfortable. Especially after spending several nights on an inflatable air mattress.








I could go on. But I won't. So, what things in your everyday life make you happy?

Secret Buddy Goodness

I'm not sure if I have posted about this before, but I belong to a Secret Buddy Gift Exchange through my October Yahoo group. Basically every month I send out a gift for baby to my secret buddy, and I receive one from whoever has me. It is so much fun. I had an awesome family sending to me for a whole year, but they chose not to continue so now I have another equally awesome buddy that sending me gifts. I don't post pictures of the gifts I purchase and send because I don't know if my buddy reads my blog and I don't want to spoil the surprise(both of the gift and who I am) Every month there is a theme. This month's theme was "Something for the parents". My secret buddy obviously reads my blog because she chose things that I LOVE(as she always does!). So this month I received a scrapbook kit(from one of my favorite designer's-Daisy D), a cardmaking magazine, some bubble bath and soap. She also included a picture frame for my husband to put a picture of Sophie in when she comes. How sweet! I only sent something for one half of the couple of my secret buddy this month. Oops! Anyway, secret buddy, wherever you are, thank you so much for brightening my day each and every month with your thoughtful gifts. I love them all.

Today I didn't leave the house at all. I spent the day cleaning again. I'm starting to make a dent
in some of the piles and boxes that have been laying around/accumulating since Christmas(and before). My craft area is completely clean. Maybe now I can get motivated to start scrapping again. I am way behind.

I got out my Cricut machine and have it all set up so now when I want to use it all I have to do is sit at my craft table and turn it on. It is such a cool machine and they have come out with some really neat cartridges lately. I'm thinking I may need to have at least one of the new Disney cartridges. Some day. I'm watching the Oscar's right now and fast forwarding through the commercials. What did we do before DVR's?

I just turned on the T.V. to watch the girl's performances on American Idol and found the show had been erased from our DVR.  Argh!  So no rundown on the girl's performances from me this week.  I'm just now watching the elimination show.  I obviously have no opinion on which girls should go home since I didn't see their show. I do have an idea on which guys might go.  I'll see shortly whether my suspicions are correct or not.

I spent a quiet day off, which is fine with me. I like quiet.  Joe has the flu.  Yuck.  I cannot get sick. Seriously.  Can.  Not. I'm doing my best to stay away from him.  It helps that I have been staying in the baby's room for the last week.  I moved there on Monday. It had nothing to do with him being sick.    It had to do with a whole bunch of other reasons that I'm struggling not to post about here. 

 I cleaned like a crazy person today.  I tend to do that when I'm feeling unsettled and unsure and there has been a lot of that going around here too. 

I keep telling myself there really is no place to go from here but up.  I just wish things would start moving in that direction already.  I could use a break here because I'm tired.  So tired.

I wish Blogger would fix their spell check button.  

***Edited: I was spot on with my guesses of the guys.  I agreed with Garret, but I'm not sure about Colton. I think it should have been Chikezie.***

I'm trying to come up with some stuff to post about that will fill this empty space and yet keep me from spilling too much of what is going on in my life right now. 

I'm failing miserably. 

I guess one choice would be to stay away from here completely. Yet I can't seem to do that either.  

There have been tough times here in the last three years, that's for sure.  Infertility woes. Chronic pain. Job losses(and gains) and the financial difficulties that went with it.  Medical problems, including four surgeries, and multiple trips to the hospital.

But the one thing that remained a constant through all of those things was my marriage. 

My marriage and the partnership with my husband gave me the strength to hang in there.

Now that one thing is threatened and it's really throwing me for a loop.  I feel insecure.  And scared.  But mostly what I feel is tired.  I'm so tired.  

American Idol

I'm really into American Idol this season. I don't know why. There have been whole seasons that have gone by in the past where I didn't even know who the top three were, let alone the top 24. I just finished watching the male performers. I know, I'm a night behind, but last night I didn't get a chance to watch it and we had it on the DVR so I just watched it. The girls are on right now and so far I am unimpressed. I did enjoy the guys though. Here's my rundown on the show last night.

Chikezie: Spiral Staircase-I Love you More Today(Than yesterday) First off, I can't get past his name. Chikezie? Are you serious? I didn't enjoy his performance last night. It was cheesy. Kind of like his name. Heh.
Colton Berry: Elvis-Suspiscious minds. I don't like his hair. The song didn't do much for me either.
David Hernandez: Wilson Picket-In the Midnight Hour. I like his voice. I liked his performance too, but by the end of the show I couldn't remember what he sang. Forgettable, as Simon would say.
Garrett Haley: Neil Sedaka -Breaking up is Hard to do. He is not one of my favorite performers here. By a longshot. He simply has no personality. And Dude. His hair.
Jason Castro: Lovin' Spoonful-Daydream. I was ready to not like this guy. Dreadlocks
freak. me. out. But he was so sweet and I liked his song and he seemed so shell shocked by the whole thing that I found myself liking him.
Jason Yeager: Andy Williams-MoonRiver. I didn't like the song. But I did like his performance.
Luke Menard: Harry Nilsson-Everybody's Talking. I was all ready to love this performance. I find him very attractive, and I liked him from the first audition. But Simon said his performance was forgettable and I totally agree. I was really disappointed. But I'm not giving up on him. I think he's cute.
David Archuleta: Smokey Robinson-Shop Around. I love this kid. He's seventeen and seems so innocent. He gave a very good performance and was so cute and shy. He has a great voice. He's one of my favorites.
Danny Noriega: Elvis-Jailhouse Rock. I don't particularly care for his personality. He seems a bit theatrical and has a bit of an attitude. Yet I really enjoyed his performance of this song.
David Cook: The Turtles-Happy Together. I liked the way he put an edgy spin on an otherwise sappy song. He seemed a little uncomfortable on stage. The jury is still out on this one for me.
Micheal Johns: The Doors-Come on Baby Light my Fire. He is my absolute favorite right now. I love everything about him. I even voted for him(texted). I never vote. So that's saying something.
Robbie Carrico: Three Dog Night-One. He is my second favorite. I have a thing for rockers. My husband was a rocker when we met. The long hair, the scruffy beard, the bandana. I'm buying all of it. Plus, he isn't the type of performer that normally makes it on AI, and that in itself I like too.

So there you have it. My two cents on the top twelve guys on AI. The girls are still on, and I have to say I am not inspired. I'm not even sure if I'll do a rundown on them tomorrow. That's how uninteresting their performances have been for me so far.

Scrapbook Expo Projects

This is a simple wood frame embellished with patterned paper and flowers. I'm going to be making a bunch more of these for gifts, with different themes.
















Cute Disney Fridge Magnet. These were made out of a cardboard coaster and a magnetic clip. So easy and so cute!


















Disney album. This album was fairly easy to make and it has all kinds of neat pockets and flaps that lift up, making it very interactive. I am in the process of making another one of these, because this one is on it's way to my Sees-ter's house. I had to give it to her. They just came back from a Disney Trip. Plus, she told me I had to.
I really didn't have a choice in the matter. :)

Scrapbook Expo Projects

Busy

That about sums it up.  I have not been home one night this week.  Well, except for Wednesday.  I was home on Wednesday. But the rest of the week it's been go, go, go.  Yesterday I went to the Scrapbook Expo and made some pretty cool projects. Pictures later.  Today was spent at my Aunt and Uncle's house celebrating my Uncle's 85th birthday.   I can only hope that I am in such great mental and physical shape when I am 85 as my Uncle Svein is. Heck, I can only hope that I make it to 85 at all!  Happy Birthday Uncle Svein!  So good to see everyone again.  Now I'm tired and am going to bed.  I don't get tomorrow off.  Blah.  But I do get Friday off, so Yay.  I actually kind of like that I get off days that aren't holidays for everyone else.  You know, so I can avoid having to spend my day off with other people.  I'm anti-social like that.  Happy President's day, for those of you that get the day to celebrate it.  

Fifteen Years

Fifteen years ago today I married my best friend. The one I laugh with, live for, Love.
That's what was written on our wedding announcements. We were married in a small church in the middle of a snow covered field with just our immediate family. We had a big party later, but I'll never forget how special our wedding day was.


















When I woke up this morning and was getting ready to leave for work, I found this on the coffee table:


















There was a hand written note that said "I will always love you. Forever and ever. We can always begin again."
Inside was this:




















The very first piece of jewelery he purchased for me when we were dating nineteen years ago was an Opal ring.

We've had a rough time of it lately.

Today I want to focus on the love we have for each other and the feelings we had on that special day.

Fifteen years. I think that's pretty impressive in this day and age. And I think my husband is right. It's never too late to begin again.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I've been so busy with my sister and family the last three days, I haven't had time for anything else(other than work, of course). I never made it to Disneyland. There simply wasn't time. I do have some photos and video to post of our dinner at Medieval Times. Fun! Today I have done nothing. I'm still in my pajamas. It's three-twenty p.m. I really must accomplish something today. This weekend is going to be jam packed too. Hmmmm...maybe I need to rest up for that. It's okay to do absolutely nothing on a week day, right?

It's ten o'clock on a Saturday night and I'm posting to my blog.  And I don't even really have anything blogworthy.   Yes, I need a life.  I should be getting ready to go to bed.  But I've been having some serious insomnia issues lately and the thought of going into the bedroom and tossing and turning for hours again gives me anxiety. I was up from 3:00-6:00 this morning.  Ugh.  We went to the gym again tonight. That's three times this week.  Yay me!  We made a deal that if we don't use our gym membership, then we're going to cancel it.  So far so good.  I'm not worrying too much about losing weight, but more on getting in shape.  Tomorrow my Sees-ter is coming to visit for a few days and we're going here for dinner and then I plan on meeting up with them later in the week for some mouse action.  That sounded gross when I read it out loud.  And then Thursday is Valentine's Day and our fifteenth wedding anniversary. Quite a momentous occasion, seeing as though we almost didn't make it to this one.  It's still a little shaky.  I did make reservations though.  I haven't decided yet if we'll make use of them or not.

Happy Chinese New Year

I wish I could say we where doing something to celebrate, but I can't because we aren't. I missed the FCC celebration(again) this year. Don't they send out some kind of announcement or something, because I'm not getting it and I have missed it the last three years.

Here is a pretty interesting site that gives some information on the traditions of Chinese New Year. I can't wait to have Sophie home so we can celebrate as a family.

Sorry if yesterday's post scared some of you. No, nothing happened. I was just looking at my wedding ring and wondering if it was some kind of foreshadowing that they cut it off two weeks ago when I was at the emergency room. I'm feeling sad. And tired. There is so much work involved in "fixing" the problems we have been having. Lots of appointments to go to and lots of talking to do. I'm tired of talking. I wish everything would just be O.K. again. We are coming up our fifteenth wedding anniversary next week. I'm supposed to be celebrating. Not worrying and shedding tears and being angry at the person I love. I wish last week never happened.

Wordless Wednesday

I'm tired. Yeah, I know, I'm always tired. But I am really tired this week. I went to bed super early last night(9:00!) and I have still been dragging all day. And I have been freezing cold for the last two days too. I'm laying here with the heat blasting and a heavy blanket on. Hmmm....that sounds like maybe my thyroid is low. I'll have to get that checked out. I'm already trying to talk myself out of that Aquafit class in the morning. But I will make myself go. I need to go. I'm gonna go. Maybe :)

I just got back from the gym. I have to say, I am very proud of myself for going. I didn't want to go, and we have been putting it off since before Christmas. I thought it might be a good way to work out some of the anger I have been feeling. Because I have been feeling a lot of anger. And most of it is directed at a certain other person living in my house. We went together and he helped me with the weights and there was no yelling(on my part), so it was all good. The only problem is that dinner won't be until close to 7:30 and I don't like to eat that late. Oh well. On Wednesday I'm going to get up early and try out an AquaFit class. I think I will like it. I like to do exercises in the pool at our apartment in the summer, so I'm sure I will enjoy this too. The pool is indoors, so I won't have to worry about the weather. Otherwise there is no way I would go. I don't like to be cold. Yes, I am a princess.

It's raining. Again. Is it my imagination, or does it seem like it rains every weekend around here? My main goal today is going to be to get my Valentine's out. I had them almost done and then we ran out of ink in our printer and I couldn't print the pictures out, and I didn't have enough envelopes, and oh yeah-my world was turned upside down for a bit. So today I will finish them and get them in the mail tomorrow. If I'm feeling really ambitious, I may get out my sewing machine. There have been a few simple projects I want to make so I can practice and get better at using it. I really do need to take some lessons in the future. Joe tells me there is some kind of big Football game on today, and he plans to do nothing besides sit in front of the television all day and watch it. Ha! I know for a fact this game doesn't begin until three and I have a long list of things that he can do while he waits. Now tell me again about the importance of this game? After all, it's just football. How important could it be? Heh.



You all know I'm kidding right? Joe and I watch the game every year together at home and I make a bunch of heart-attack inducing foods and we eat until we are in a food coma. This year will be no different. Now I have to go figure out who's playing so I can decide who to root for.

Please Help Support Starfish Foster Home

There are far more important things going on in this world than the things I have been going through lately. One of them is the plight of special needs babies that have been abandoned in China. There is a wonderful organization, Starfish Foster Home, that provides medical and foster care for high risk babies in a specific area of China. Red Maryjanes is doing a fund raiser right now for this organization, and I am participating. She is requesting donations of baby items to send to them. Maybe you could find it in your heart to help? If you don't want to purchase items and ship them to her, maybe you could go to the link above and donate directly to this wonderful organization. My Dad and I went shopping today and picked up a few items and I'll be shipping them out next week. It is such a small thing to do and it will make such a big difference in the lives of these babies. Here are the items they need:

1. Long sleeved onesies or body suits from 0-3to 2T. We need some for next year
2. Winter sleepers, the ones with covered feet from about 6-9 months to 3T.
3. Any summer clothes, Preemie to 2T.
4. Summer shoes from 0 to 6 children's.
5. Vick's Baby rub
6. Infant Motrin and Tylenol
7. Gripe Water from Amazon.com
8. Pelican plastic bibs
9. Baby sunscreen
10. Plastic backed changing table covers
11. Plastic backed bibs
12. Playtex Bottles (the ones with the bags in them)
13. Playtex nipples (the have four different kinds some of each will do)

You could even send items to me and I could make sure they get to Red Maryjane's, if that made it easier for you. Or, you could send her a check in any amount you choose to help cover the cost of shipping the items to China. Anything you can do would be helpful and greatly appreciated. Thank you.

O.K. It's gone. All of it. Thanks for the support and advice. And don't worry. I am not ignoring the problem. Far from it.  There are measures in place to get us back on track.  Something like this doesn't go away on it's own, and you don't stay married to someone for fifteen years by ignoring problems.  Also, to anonymous who had concerns about my ability to parent a child. You think I don't have worries and concerns about parenting a child?  Of course I do.  I also think I have more "issues" to overcome than a lot of people. But you know what?  I worked in childcare for fifteen years and I had serious reservations about many, many of the parents I came in contact with.  My husband and I will make  wonderful parents one day. Regardless of how much money we make, or if I have  health conditions, or even if one or the other of us go through some tough emotional times. I have no worries there.  Way to be supportive. Sheesh. And you know what?  That comment wouldn't have bothered me in the least if you had put your name on it. I never leave comments anonymously. Ever. If I have something to say, I have the guts to stand behind it.   I'm erasing the last week from my thoughts. All I can do is look forward, and start doing the things necessary to get my life back in order again.

I took the advice of someone I trust and deleted parts of the two posts I did. I put too much out there, and she is right, we need to protect ourselves because of the adoption. And I just plain felt bad having it out there. My husband is not a bad person. He has some problems and he has some work to do and he made some bad choices. I don't think it's fair for me to tell the whole world about some those choices. Even though I did. I also took out some of the stuff I wrote about work, because Hello, every one I know knows about this blog, including some of the people I work with, and I am not trying to make anyone feel bad or hurt their feelings. I'm just trying to get across that I am having a very hard time right now and I am doing the best I can. I just hope my best is good enough. I am beyond glad that it is Friday. I want to go home and get into my pajamas and forget this week ever happened.