Another doctor's visit

I had another visit with the nephrologist today. I guess I better get used to it, becasue apparently I'm going to be seeing a lot of him(like every 6-8 weeks for the rest of my life.) Every time I go there I can't help but notice that I am by far the youngest person there. By far. I mean, like the other people in the waiting room have walkers, and are accompanied by their adult children who themselves are by far older than I am. They all look at me quizzically as if to say "Are you sure you are in the right place?" It makes me uncomfortable(not the elderly people, just the way they look at me). It seems to me like it is not that common for a person of my age to suffer from kidney disease. I don't know if this is true, that's just the impression I get from the waiting room. Either that, or there is a retirement community very close to that office. Anyway, on to the test results. They are still suprisingly good. The protein leakage in my urine is down to .6 grams. That's less than one gram, and down from 5 grams three months ago. It is still considered abnormally high, but given where we started, the doctor is quite happy. Unfortunately, that is all he is happy about. He is unhappy about A. My weight. I gained four pounds this month. Ouch! I have gained back ten of the twenty pounds I lost. He says I have to at least try to keep my weight the same, despite the Prednisone. Yeah, O.K. I'll get right on that. And B. My lack of exercise. I received a very stern lecture about the importance of exercising five days a week and how it is imperative to my health. I hate to exercise. I have no excuse for why I don't do it. I have plenty of time. I just don't want to. Because I hate it. So there. But I know he is right, so I went and bought a couple of DVD's that I think I can do(I am sooooo uncoordinated). So it's Cardio three days a week, Yoga two and strength training on the yoga days. I am going to commit myself to this. Because it is important. For me, and for my daughter.

Baskets for Blogging friends

I made a couple of baskets this weekend for some Blogger friends who have been blessed with babies this month. The first is for Mary Mia. I love the cute sea creatures and the bright colors she chose for her nursery. I had already sent this to her yesterday afternoon before I could check on her referrals. Had I known, I would have filled it with twice the stuff! The other is for a blogger from one of the infertility blogs that I read. She just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The theme for her nursery was surfboards. So cute!

Gearing Up for Back to School

Well, the room is clean and decorated, the crayons are brand new, and the toys and games are all in their places. All that's missing is the kids. Today was Kindergarten orientation. The children met their teachers and stopped by to check out their new childcare center. These kids are coming from Preschool, so their parents are nervous and have a million questions. The kids themselves are fine. Once they see the toys, they start playing and forget about their parents. No, it's the parents that need the reassuring. I'm actually looking forward to the school year starting. Mostly because the teachers are back on campus. During the summer it is just me and the bunch of idiots I work with. I look forward to having contact with people who are professional and intelligent. I know that sounds harsh, but you just have no idea the mentality of my co-workers. It is that bad. I'm feeling a little down. Usually this time of month makes me happy. I love when referrals come out. Seeing all of those sweet faces usually makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And while I'm thrilled for the bloggers that I read that received their referrals(Do I even need to link to Mary Mia's site? I think not. Talk about great news!) the amount of referrals that were sent out has me down. So do the rumors about new changes coming. We're still waiting on our I171. At this point I really have no idea when we could be LID(if ever). For the first time since starting this process(almost a year ago), I am having doubts. Not about the adoption, but about China. We chose China because I have a beautiful, amazing niece that was adopted from there. I was able to travel with my sister and family to meet her, and knew right then that was what we were meant to do. I truly felt that God had chosen this path for us. And then the CCAA started slowing down their referrrals. That's O.K., we thought. We need the extra time anyway. That's when we thought the wait would be 8-10 months instead of six. Then the wait went to a year. Still O.K. And now with the amount of referrals that were sent out this month, who knows how long we'll be waiting? Realistically it could go to two years. And even if the wait stays at one year, there is talk about new regulations that would exclude us from being able to adopt at all. What if this isn't the right path? I'm afraid this won't really happen for us. That at the end of all of this waiting, there won't be a baby. I don't know if I can handle that kind of dissapointment, especially after everything we have been through in the last four years. So I'm feeling a little insecure about the whole process. And I'm tired of waiting to wait. I just want my LID already.

Somebody stop Me

Here are the latest cute toys my Dad and I bought for Gracie for her birthday. Yes, I already filled a Princess basket for her, and my Dad already bought her this. But that Pony is so cute, and looks just like the horse Lisa used to have, and we had to buy it!
That's it. I. Must. Stop. Buying. Toys. I'm done nowt. I promise. I am going to have to find a way to control myself! And yes, of course I had to buy Cameron something too, even though he got his birthday presents last weekend when he was visiting. They're coming to visit again in two weeks and we're going to have a sleepover. Yay!
















*I bet you didn't know Lisa and I had horses growing up. Yep, from the ages of twelve to twenty five, I was a "stable" person. I even used to compete and placed sixth in the Nation, and because of that was invited to ride in the Rose Parade. But that deserves a post all it's own, I think. Another day.

Tired

I am sooooo tired. I've been working my behind off the last four days, trying to get our building ready for kids on Wednesday. Don't worry, I have pictures. I know you are waiting on the edge of your seats for them. You might have to wait until Monday though, because I want to take the "after" photos with all of the toys set up, and because other parties use our building on weekends, they can't be set up until then. However will you wait that long? :) Boy am I boring. I have nothing else to post about than the progress of the cleaning of my room. Speaking of toys, I spent the majority of today taking toys out of their packages. Why do toys have to be packaged so securely? What is with them being individually wrapped in plastic? Why do they have to have so many of those twisty tie thingys on them? It took me so long to get them out of their packages! Is all of that really necessary? Sheesh.

Cute Clothes for Sophie

I just got all of these cute clothes for Sophie. How much did I pay for all of these clothes, you might be asking? Nothing! These were Gracie's clothes that Lisa saved for me. I love hand me downs! They are all so cute! This is just a small sample of them. I have a bin overflowing with cute clothes. Lucky me!

A load of crap

That's what I threw out of my room today. Such crap you have never seen! Where does it all come from? I was going to post pictures of our full dumpster, but Joannah already posted one of the dumpster she filled up, and it looks exactly the same, so if you really want to see it, look at hers. You've seen one full trash dumpster, you've seen them all! It felt so good to throw all of that stuff out. I really need to do that at my apartment. Why do we feel the need to hold on to things we don't need? The room looks so clean, with fresh paint and waxed floors and freshly shampooed carpets. Tomorrow we get to put together all of the new toys we bought. Fun! We got a train table, and new dollhouses, board games, and manipulatives(legos, blocks, etc.) I'm so glad Joe is home tonight because for the next three days I am working from seven to three and he is working three to eleven. Unless I stay up way past my bedtime, I won't be seeing him for three days. Well, we'll sleep in the same bed, but that is hardly quality time spent together. He's working this weekend too. Sigh. I am not liking this "part time" job at all. At least it's only for the next two months or so, until we're caught up from the two months he doesn't get paid. I wish so much he could find a full time position. We've been waiting five years now.

Catching Up

I haven't had a lot to say lately, mostly because I have been so busy and then too tired. I'm still missing the kids. It is so quiet around here. It doesn't help that Joe has been working at his part time job pretty much every single day, even on the weekends. Tonight he is working until midnight. I shouldn't complain, because we need the money, but I miss him. I was supposed to go to work today, but at the last minute decided not to. I have seven more days until the kids return, but I have major cleaning to do in our room. I'm hoping the painting had been done so I can get in there tomorrow and start decorating. I am planning on going in the rest of the week. Last night a friend and I attended a wedding for one of the girls that we grew up with at the stables. It was a beautiful wedding, but I wish Joe had been there with me. I spent the majority of the reception sitting at the table by myself. My friends were all out dancing, and I just didn't feel up to it. That pretty much sums up how I have been feeling lately. Blah. Irritable. Sad. Anytime I go somewhere, I just wish I was at home. I know it is the Prednisone making me feel this way. Knowing what is causing it does not make it easier to deal with. The drugs the kidney doctor gave me for the irritablity make me sleepy, so I stopped taking them. I am down to thirty milligrams of the Prednisone. I have to take it for four more months. If it wasn't working so well I would ask him if I could go off of it sooner. But it's working. So I guess I'm going to have to suck it up. Four months feels like an eternity. I want to feel normal again. I want to look normal again. I got my hair cut today. I had to stare at myself in a mirror for forty-five minutes. I had to look away. I can't believe how fat my face has gotten.
My friends say I shouldn't obsess so much over it, because it is the Prednisone causing it, and it will go away when I stop taking it. Well that's great, but it is still unattractive and makes me feel ugly and won't be going away for another four months. You won't be seeing any pictures of me for awhile. I'm so bummed we waited this long to take our dossier photos, because now I look obese in them. Speaking of our dossier, I found out today why our I171 has not been processed. They have been waiting for us to send them proof of Joe's citizenship. I had no idea. I sent them a copy of his passport today, but who knows how much longer this will delay us. It feels like this is never going to happen. Sorry this is such a downer. I'll be better tomorrow. Preparing the room for the year is one of my favorite parts of my job. New decorations, new toys and games, new kids. A new school year.

More Pictures

Swingin'

Pictures

Here are Cameron and Grace with our friend Monica's kids at Wild Rivers on Friday. We've been friends with Monica since we were thirteen years old. That's twenty-two years! I'm so glad our kids are getting the chance to get to know each other too.

All is Quiet

Lisa and the kids left this morning, so it is pretty quiet around here. Silent is a better word. Joe had to work, so it's just me and the dogs. I am sad. I am in the process of slowly putting my house back in the order it was in before a three and a five year old came to stay. It looked like a tornado came through here! I know I keep promising pictures, and I have a ton, but I'm just not feeling up to it now. Maybe after I've had my coffee. I'm too sad right now.

I'm waterlogged

I have been wearing my bathing suit for the last three days. I have been submerged in one kind of body of water or another every day since Wednesday. It started Wednesday night at the pool in our complex. Then it was the beach on Thursday, followed by the pool at a friend's house. Today we spent the entire day at Wild Rivers. We were there for seven hours, six and a half of which I was in a pool of some kind. I am over chlorinated and sunburned. But boy, did the kids have a good time! Lisa and I agreed there will be no water activities planned for tomorrow. No, lunch with Papa and then a ride on the giant ferris wheel at the Irvine Spectrum. I can't believe they're going home on Sunday already. It seems like they just got here. Sigh. Pictures tomorrow, I'm too tired now.

Busy Busy Busy

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but we've been going non-stop for the last three days. Yesterday we spent pretty much the whole day in the car, driving from S.F. back home. Of course then we had to go swimming, because that is after all why the kids came to visit, to soak up some of our lovely warm weather. Today we spent the morning at the beach, then headed over to Shelley's house for some more swimming. The kids had a great time swimming, and Shelley and Lisa and I had a nice visit. I'm so lucky to live so close to some pretty awesome people that I never would have met if I never started this blog. Thanks Gillian and Charlotte for letting us go swimming at your house! We had a really fun time!

Pictures of my furbabies

Donna over at Waiting for Lauren Elizabeth asked for us to post pictures of our fur babies, so here they are!

Babysitting

Lisa and Scott went out to dinner and a movie, so here I am babysitting the kids. We didn't do too much today. Went out to lunch, then a trip to Toys R Us for Cameron and Gracie's birthdays. While there, I saw this and Had. To. Have. it for my husband. Get it? It's Darth Tater! Mwahahahahahaha! Sorry, but I find that simply hilarious! I could hardley wait for the kids to go to bed so I could play with Gracie's birthday present that Papa bought her. I love it. I want one. I brushed all the ponie's hair and set them up and played after Gracie went to bed. Don't worry, I let her play a little bit too. Here's proof. I had to ban Cameron from it though, because he was swinging all the ponies around by their hair. Boys. Sigh. But I played cars with him too, so it's all good. I'm going to bed now. These kids wear me out!

Fun in San Francisco

Yesterday was the reunion of Gracie's China families. I was fortunate enough to travel with them two years ago, and it was so much fun to see how much all of the "babies" have grown. They're not babies anymore! I can't wait until Joe and I are attending one of these reunions with our own baby in tow. A great time was had by all.

I'm Outta Here. And....I'm a terrible wife!

I'm leaving for the airport in a few minutes, and was checking my blogs one last time(obsessed, I am) when I came across a this post and pic that fellow blogger posted. You see, she was going out of town for a few days, and she left her freezer fully stocked with homemade frozen meals(breakfast, lunch, and dinner!) for her hubby. What a good wife she is! Sadly, I do not measure up to this standard. I can honestly say that I have no idea if there is any food in our fridge at all, as I haven't cooked in over a week, and haven't shopped either, so Joe might be hardpressed to throw togther one meal, let alone fourteen! Poor guy. Good thing there is a plethora of fast food restaurants around our house. It looks like he'll be working at his new part time job every day while I'm gone, so he won't be home much anyway.


Note to self: Do NOT stay up to watch Prime Time Live Special Report on Terrorism the night before your flight.

P.S. Oops! I must have completely forgotten my manners, because in my post last night I totally forgot to thank Joannah for the very cute ladybug bracelet she brought me. It was so cute and so thoughtful, and I really do appreciate it! Thanks! (I tried to take a picture of it, but they all came out blurry. I think it may be time for a new camera)

I am officially on vacation

It was a long, hot, tiring, but good last day. We had an awesome end of summer party, and the kids had a great time. Never has a vacation been needed as much as this one. I am sooooo looking forward to it. Although I have to admit I'm not thrilled about getting on an airplane when the Terrorist Threat Level is at Red. I know it will be fine. It's just a little unnerving. I have to say, the heat and humidity is back in full force around here, and I am looking forward to getting away to someplace cooler for a few days. I won't be bringing the laptop, as I can never get my internet connection to work at my sister's, so my posting will be limited to the occasions on which I can wrestle the computer away from Lisa and Scott. In other words, sporadically! Don't worry though, a bazillion cute pictures of Grace and Cameron will abound.

Blogger get together

I am supposed to be in bed right now. But I can't go to bed until I post about the blogger get-together. So. Much. Fun. What great women I had the pleasure of meeting. Shelley and Joannah, thanks so much for wanting to do that. I can't wait to do it again, maybe with more bloggers! I truly had a wonderful time.

A very quick post

O.K., I only have time for a super quick post, as I am supposed to be leaving right this very minute to meet with my fellow bloggers for dinner. I just came from the nephrologist. The test results are in, and they are good! My overall kidney function is good, and the total protein in my urine is down from 5 grams to .08 grams. The word the doctor used to describe these results is "remarkable". That means the Prednisone(and the supplements, and all the prayers and good thoughts) is working. It is working far more effectively than we ever hoped. Finally, some good news. Of course, this means I have to stay on the prednisone for the whole six months. That's the only bummer. But he did give me something to help with the "mental" side effects. (I know, I know, more meds). Remind me later how he was explaining to me how some people who are taking Prednisone actually become psychotic and how my husband burst out laughing as if to say "Too late!". O.K., now I'm gonna be late! Had to share the good news though.

Two more days until I am on vacation for two weeks

And one more day until I meet some blogger friends. Woo Hoo! That's all I have to say about that.

Two more days until the Bloggy get-together

Hey, Southern CA bloggers! Don't forget we're planning on meeting up this Wednesday, Aug. 9th in Huntington Beach. So far it looks like there will be three of us. Joannah, Shelley and me. We would love to have more, so don't be shy. Drop either Joannah or I an e-mail and we'll give you the details. I'm so excited to be meeting people whose blogs I have been reading for months.

Sunday Digi Scrappin'

Did I say I was going to be quiet? Bwhahaha!

When I told my husband I wasn't going to be posting to my bog for awhile, his reaction was to burst out laughing. He said he would give me one day before I was furiously typing and posting. I hate it wheh he's right. I woke up today feeling much better. I don't know why. But I'm glad. It seems the last couple of posts worried some of my family. Well don't worry. Joe and I have talked about it at length and I do realize that the particular antidepressant I am currently taking is not working. It could be due to the Prednisone, or maybe it just isn't a good fit, but either way something needs to be done. Also, I am abandoning the "no pain killer" rule for now. The muscle aches and fevers are horrible, and have been my main complaint for the last two weeks. I feel better when I take some Tylenol, so I'm going to take as much as I need until I can get to the doctor. We are taking a trip to the health food store today, to pick up a bunch of vitamins and supplements that are supposed to help people with this disorder. As for work, I only have to make it through four more days, and I am planning on only working six hours instead of eight. So I have a plan to feel better. Now I just have to call and go see at least two different doctors and impress upon them that a change needs to be made so that I can stop feeling miserable. Good thing I have Joe on my side.

Quiet

Things might get quiet around here for a couple of days or so. Mostly because I just don't have much to say. I don't feel good. I don't know what to do about it. I am sleeping my days away. How many times can I post about the same thing? I don't see the doctor until Wednesday. I don't have a lot of hope right now that he can do anything for me. I am going to ask that he start tapering me off of the Prdenisone immediately. From what I can tell from the message boards I have been frequenting, that is what is causing me to feel so rotten all of the time. The depression, fever, body aches, sore throat, all of it. I haven't felt good in over two weeks. It takes all of me to make it through a day at work and then I have to come home and sleep for a few hours. I have four more days of my summer program to get through, and then I have two weeks off. But what about after that? I have to look at my quality of life. And right now it isn't good. I am going to have to find a way to cope with these side effects if I am going to continue of this drug for four more months.

Blogger. ARRrrrgh!

I've about had it with Blogger. I haven't been able to post for the last three days. Something went wrong with my template(O.K. I messed something up in the template. Whatever.) I'm working on something over at TypePad, but for now, this is the only way I could figure out how to at least be able to post something here. I was thinking about redoing the design of my blog anyway. What can I say, I have a short attention span! Anyway, I am still alive, though not feeling well. ( What else if new). Couple's counseling is not going well. Apparently I have issues and everything that is wrong with out marriage is actually my fault. That may not be the exact words that were spoken by our therapist, but that's what I heard. Well, that and my husband telling her that I never listen to him and I am not interested in anything he has to say. Ummm..I would have responded to that, but I didn't quite catch what he was talking about. I think I may have been counting the MmmmHmmmm's again. We went straight from therapy to a friend's birthday party. I was swollen from crying, then lost it at the party because of all the babies/kids/pregnant people. I thought I was pretty much past all of that. One particular woman(the pregnant one) started trying after we did, and now has a two year old and another on the way. I had to go outside and get some air(cry) just so I could stay for the cake. And I didn't even have any cake. Now you know I was not feeling well. I cried all the way home. Oh yeah, and then we ran out of gas. Don't ask. I think the Prednisone may slowly be driving me insane. I haven't felt this out of control of my emotions in a very long time. Overall not a good day. But hey, it's Friday! At least that's something.

Calling all Southern CA Bloggers!

Joannah and I from Just for Jillian are planning on meeting up on Wednesday, August 9th for dinner. I am very excited. Although I have had the pleasure of meeting a couple of Northern Ca bloggers(Mary Mia and Stacey Teague) while visiting my sister, I have never had the pleasure of meeting any from these parts. So we figured if we were going to meet up, then the more the merrier! So if you live in the Orange County or surrounding areas and are interested in meeting up, just drop one of us a line and let us know so we can give you the location and time. You already know the date. Wednesday, August 9th. Be there or be square! (I am already square, but I'll be there anyway!)

Bed Rest. Bah.

So I'm trying to do what the doctor said. Take it easy, rest, drink lots of fluids. Easier said than done. Why is it that when I have to get up and go to work the alarm wakes me from a dead sleep, but when I don't have to get up I wake up a full twenty minutes before the alarm would be due to go off and can't fall back to sleep? Why? Anyway, I'm bored. I am actually glad that my husband insisted I do what the doctor ordered, because I'm feeling pretty lousy. This is one bad cold. I have a feeling it was pretty close to becoming pnuemonia, judging by the wheezing and shortness of breath I am experiencing. The antibiotics should take care of that. I called my work this morning to apologize for leaving them in the lurch like this. Apparently my boss was complaining about my calling in sick. Now usually this would bother me(who am I kidding? It did bother me. A lot). I very rarely call in sick. I can't tell you how many times I have dragged myself to work when I am feeling lousy. Apparently it doesn't matter how sick you are, because she came in to work when she had Cancer, and nothing compares to that. Give me a break. How about a little empathy? How about a Thank You for working all summer long so you can stay home? This really bothers me. It is just one of the many things that is causing me to seriously consider a change in jobs. Possibly careers. I am sick. I have a doctor's note telling me to stay home. I am coming back to work a full day early. I don't need to be made to feel guilty about it. One of the things that has come up in therapy lately is how I don't take care of myself. I put others before me. I try too hard to please. I need to stop doing that. Since being diagnosed with the kidney disease I've started to realize how much stress plays a role in my health. I need to start putting my needs before the needs of everyone else. I need to stop worrying about what other people say behind my back! I'm done with this now. I'm letting it go.

Doctor Ordered Bed Rest

Yep, you read right. I went to the doctor today and he told me I should stay home for a couple of days and rest. The diagnosis? A bad chest cold that is bordering on pneumonia(that's why I have been feeling so lousy). In other words, it isn't serious yet, but it could get serious if I don't take it easy. My reaction to his suggestion that I stay home from work? Bwahahahahaha!!! You see, my boss is going out of town, and when she is gone guess who is in charge? That's right. Me. And there is no one else to cover for me. (And yes, as a matter of fact my boss has had pretty much the entire summer off. Don't even get me started. How can I get that job?) So I told the doctor there is no possible way that I can take two days off right now. It was at that point that my husband interjected, and told the doctor of course I would take some time off, and make sure I got enough rest, yada, yada, yada. So we compromised. I took the rest of today, instead of going back to work, and I'm taking tomorrow too, but then I have to go back on Thursday, because our annual carnival is that day, and the whole thing falls on me. It is a huge production, and long awaited, and I simply can't disappoint the kids. I could care less at this point about inconveniencing anyone at work. I have been working my butt off this summer, with no thanks whatsoever. But I can't disappoint the kids. They have been looking forward to this carnival for two months. So I'll rest tomorrow, but I'll go back on Thursday, ready to set up game booths, and paint faces, and hand out cotton candy. Wether I feel up to it or not. Because in the end, shouldn't it be all about the kids?