Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I told the kids I was leaving today. Yeah, I have been putting it off. I just can't handle the sad faces and the questions. "But why are you leaving?". I tried to sneak it in after the story, mumbling under my breath and speaking very quickly. "I have something to tell you." I am leavinghereandgoingtoworksomewhereelseandThursdaywillbemylastday." But I brought you goody bags! They weren't going for it. "What do you mean you are leaving?" "Why are you going to work somewhere else?" (As though that would be completely ridiculous thing to do). "Are you leaving forever?" (This one really got me. Of course not, I answered. I'll come and visit all the time. Knowing full well this probably isn't true.) I had a lump in my throat the whole time. I don't do goodbyes well. What I want to do is go to bed and pull the covers over my head and wait until it is all over. It is hard for me to face the parents. I don't lie well. "Well, you know, I have been here a long time and it is just time for me to move on." Yeah, O.k. Whatever. Most of them see right through me. Only two more days. I didn't even go to work yesterday and it is shaping up to be a bad week. We are struggling financially right now and I'm not really sure how we're going to dig out of this one and I have one more full paycheck before my pay is cut. Please tell me other people have these types of problems. I think we may hold the record right now for overdrafts. We are simply not making it. I am trying to hold my head above water but feel like I am drowning. I can't seem to budget our money when my husband's pay is different every month(He didn't get paid for Spring Break). He only gets two more full paychecks before summer, and then his pay is cut too. I'm not sure how much longer we can do this. I may have to get another part time job on the weekends, in addition to the full time one I am looking for. None of this is helping my stress level before the surgery. I need to find a way to stress less over this. I simply don't know how. A lot of prayingis going to be going on around here.


Tracy said...

I just wanted to say hang in there and good luck with your surgery! If you find the money tree, can you let me know where it is (after you have filled your pockets of course:)


Kayce said...

Hang in there Michelle. We too struggle. You are soooo not alone.