Therapy

I have been doing a lot of crafting lately.  It is therapy for me.  This is significant because for a good 5 months or so I wasn't able to do anything creative. I had some kind of block or something.  I think it was stress, coupled with the fact that we didn't have any extra money in our budget  to buy any supplies.  We still don't, but  a couple of weeks ago I had the urge to create something so I cleaned out my scrapbook area and found a treasure trove of supplies that were either unused or unfinished.  I started making some things and couldn't stop!  It feels good to be putting my hands to creative use again.  

I started with this mini album. This was in an unopened package that I bought off the clearance rack for five bucks literally years ago.  I love the colors in it.  I added nothing to this but some paper flowers and buttons.  Everything else came in the kit.  Pretty good for five dollars.  Since almost everything I make ends up as a gift, this one went to someone very special to me who has been a lifesaver for us during a difficult time.

My second cousin is getting married this month(I'm not sure how this is possible, because I swear she was a baby only a few years ago :).  I made this card for her and her husband to be.  The leaves in the top right corner were cut from her invitation. I love the colors in this card, and the buttons.  I heart buttons.  Sorry the pic is so blurry.  I am still using a loner camera and can't for the life of me figure out the settings on it.

  

I found this sticker sheet and a couple of pieces of coordinating paper amongst my supplies and immediately knew I wanted to make some cards from it.  The pattern is  so bright and cheery.  I actually made 2 cards using these supplies but the other picture came out too blurry to post.

These three cards were made using the same piece of patterned paper, a green piece of card stock, some ribbon scraps,  and one sheet of embellishments.

I had enough scrap paper left over from the mini scrapbook kit in the above pictures

 to make this card as well.

These message boards are my new obsession.  I love them.  The flowers and letters are magnets. I made one for  Grace's upcoming birthday and it turned out sooooo cute.  I used the Chinese kids rubber stamps that I bought a few months ago. I have gotten so much use out of them.

I have a bunch more things in the works and will most likely post them here since it's the easiest place for me to find them when I want to see past designs.

Awe

In Awe.


That's what I am in regards to a couple of acts of kindness that have occurred to me over the last few days.


I am so fortunate  to be able to list the people on my sidebar under people I have met. Many of them were simply chance meetings of once or twice, but most of them have turned into lasting friendships of which I count myself lucky to have.


The first act of kindness came from one of those people who fall under the latter.   I don't want to give too much information about it, except that so great was its magnitude in how much it  relieved some of the stress we are under and allowed us to breathe again, even if just for a short period of time, but awesome in its kindness.   This gesture left me both speechless and crying in the middle of a restaurant on Saturday night, which is no easy feat (the speechlessness. It actually doesn't take a lot to cause me to burst into tears as of late :).  Thank you Joannah.  Words cannot convey our thanks and gratitude to you.


The other act of kindness has to do with the new look of the blog. You may have noticed that I decided to switch things up a little bit around here.  I have been wanting to change the look of things for quite some time but haven't exactly had any extra money laying around with which to do so.  I was talking with my co-worker DeAnn about it the other day, and she pointed me in the direction of one of her blog friends,  Homesick Cajun.  We got to chatting via e-mail, and she graciously agreed to do a blog makeover for me free of charge!  I gave her a few ideas of what I was looking for, and the colors I liked and this is what she came up with.  Oh my goodness, I am in LOVE.  I love everything about it and it is unbelievable to me that someone I have never even met would extend such a kindness to me.


Thank you Dionne, for the beautiful blog makeover.  I will be forever grateful!  If you are looking to change the look of your blog up a bit, you should drop her an e-mail.  She really does a fabulous job.


(The Chinese Lanterns and Asian theme are gone for now.  I don't know when(or if) we will ever get a referral and I just can't look at them right now.  I need a fresh look that doesn't represent our adoption.  I am not defined by that.  I wanted to change the name of the blog too, but I couldn't bring myself to do it just yet).


Lastly, I know I have asked this from you all a lot over the last 2 years,  but would you mind keeping us(specifically Joe) in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, say, around 3:30 p.m.?(Pacific Standard Time :)


I would really appreciate it and would be glad to return the favor.  Just leave me a comment letting me know what you need prayers/good thoughts for and they're yours.

Should

I should be:

Excited about Dragon Boat practice starting this morning and Joe attending with me for the first time.

Enjoying the beautiful weather we are having.  (High in the mid-eighties with a slight breeze).

Loving driving down the freeway with all of  the windows down and the radio blaring .

Thinking about all of the things in the post below that I am thankful for.

Instead I am:

Waiting on something that is so long overdue that are lives are unravelling right before our eyes the longer we wait for it.

Wondering if my husband will ever find a job and our lives will have a sense of normalcy again.

Isolating myself from friends and family.

Dreaming of a child I don't believe is ever coming.

Dreading the time I took off from work in a couple of weeks for the camping trip we won't be able  to go on.

Crying myself to sleep over an e-mail I wish I had never sent and the repercussions from it.

All I feel is sadness.

I am going to church with a friend later and dinner afterward.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  

Because this sadness?

It sucks more that I can convey.

And It's  getting old.

Thankful

I am thankful for my job. I am lucky to have a job. If you have a job, no matter how crappy it may be at times, don't take it for granted. Not only am I thankful to have my job, I am thankful they have been so sympathetic of my absences as of late. I have missed quite a bit of work in the last month and they have been nothing but understanding about it.


I am thankful for some clarity regarding some relationships in my life. At the end of the day Joe is the only one I can count on to be there for me, through thick and thin. I am so grateful to have him.

I'm thankful that Dragon Boat practice begins this weekend, and that this year Joe has agreed to join the team with me. I can think of nothing better than participating in something I enjoy so much than having him share it with.

I am thankful it is the weekend. This week has been extremely difficult.

What are you thankful for?

Thank You

I will be de-activating my FB account later today.    I just need some space and time to re-evaluate some things going on in my life right now.  I can still be reached here on my blog(scrappermg.blogspot.com), or you can e-mail me at chinaadopter(at)gmail(.com).

I wanted to thank everyone who has been my friend there, especially those of you who have reached out to me in what has been a very difficult time in my life.

Thank you for that.

Michelle

This month has been so incredibly difficult for me.  For us.  I don't think I have ever experienced this much stress before.  I am having a hard time dealing with it.  I am still walking, which helps slightly.  Work has been a welcome diversion.  I dread the weekends and the time I am at home because that is when the worry gets the best of me.

Joe has been making an effort to reduce my stress as much as he can.  He drives me to work and picks me up.  He takes me to my appointments.  He does all of the cooking, and cleaning and laundry.  He even brings me breakfast or lunch in bed when the thought of getting up is too much for me.

He has even taken me to Disneyland a couple of times, hoping to cheer me up.  Yesterday we only stayed for 2 hours.  We rode the monorail, and the train and went on Buzz Lightyear.  We sat on a bench in the sun and people watched and then we came home.

The first time we went was a couple of weeks ago, before I was hospitalized.  We spent the majority of our time at CA Adventure.  We went on Tower of Terror and rode CA Screamin' three times.  It's one of our favorite rides there.

It was much less crowded a couple weeks ago than it was yesterday.  With school getting out, it will continue to become more crowded and we will probably not go back until the Fall.  Our passes are blocked out for  most of the summer anyway.

These are totally out of order because Blogger was not cooperating and I have zero patience to fix them right now.

Empty Main Street a couple of weeks ago

Listening to the party  line in one of the shops

Love this Rasta Mickey hat

We rode the train around the park. It was nice to just sit and enjoy the views of the park.

First attempt at a self protrait

Joe trying to ruin my self portrait.  Mission accomplished :)

Ahhhhhh.....that's better

Matterhorn as viewed from the Monorail, which we rode into the park from

Dowtown Disney(we park there for the free parking.  Shhhhhh..........don't tell!)

I love the goats at the petting zoo.  I went around to each one and found out their names(they are stamped onto their leather collars) and spent a few minutes with each one.  They are so sweet.

Give me an "A"

Getting ready to be blast out of the starting gate on CA screamin'

Going upside down

It's Indiana Joe

We did some window shopping. I loved these mugs

Ummmmm...................okayyyyyyyy

Again, with the pictures out of order.  From a couple of weeks ago.  Mickey was right out in front of Main street so no need to go wait in line at his house in Toontown. And there was no line either.  Love that.

It was good to get out of the house a couple of days and forget about some of the stress for a short while. 

Weary

I have never been so tired in my entire life.


I feel heavy. It’s hard to move.

Stress has weighed me down.

It’s like a heavy coat on my shoulders that I can’t shrug off.

I feel like I could sleep for weeks, but when it comes time for that my body will have none of it.

I know, I know. It’s always darkest before the dawn. This too, shall pass. Blah, blah, blah.

Right now I’m just so weary.



I am too weary to listen, too angry to hear.

                                          -Daniel Bell

Hope is the Thing With Feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

 I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.


                                     -Emily Dickinson

Sweeeet!

My good friend Kayce over at "Our Boy and his Cricket" nominated me for the "Sweet Friend" award a few days ago. I'm only just getting around to posting about it.  This is special to me, coming from her because she is one of the sweetest friends that I have.  What started out as an online friendship has blossomed into an "in real life" friendship and I am so blessed to have her in my life.  You rock Kayce!  I'm still working on getting up  your way to meet little cricket.

As part of the award I'm supposed to name 10 things that make me happy.  Well that shouldn't be too hard!

Of course first and foremost is my husband. He makes me smile every single day.  He is one of the kindest people I know. I am so very lucky to have him.

 Rain.

I guess it's easy to say I like rain because we don't have it very often, but I simply love when it rains.  Most people like to stay inside and stay warm and cozy while it's raining.  I like to do that too, but I really love to go out walking in it.  Walking in the rain is one of our favorite things to do in the winter.  We had a wetter than usual winter this year where I live so we had the opportunity to enjoy it a lot.

Crafting.  I love to make things with my hands.  Whether it be cards, or wall hangings, banners, or jewelry, being creative makes me feel calm.  I haven't been doing much of it lately with all of the stress we've been dealing with.  I need to start up again.  It is good for my soul.

Big Sur.

Anything that has to do with nature makes me happy, whether it be camping out under the stars or a quick hike through a local canyon, but this place in particular makes me feel more at peace than any other place  on earth. For the first time in ten years we won't be making  our annual pilgrimage there.  I am beyond sad about it.

Walking.  Since I started walking 2 months ago to get into shape, I have felt a peacefulness come over me.  Aside from the physical benefits I am reaping, it gives me time out of my day to de-stress and unwind.  Many a problem has been worked out on one of my 4 mile walks.  I have leveled out to walking 3-4 times per week, 4 miles a day.  I'm about to take it to a whole new level, so stayed tuned for that.

These 2 monkeys.  Whenever we are together they are always doing something that makes us laugh.  I haven't seen them since Christmas.  I miss them.

Blogging.  I have been blogging for 5 years this July.  I am amazed at the support and friendships I have  gained through this blog over the years.  

This Steam Cleaner makes me happy.  We have a dog who never quite mastered the art of potty training, and this thing has come in handy countless times. It grosses me out how dirty the water is that I empty out of it after cleaning our carpets.  Ewww.  But I love how clean the carpets look and  feel after. 


Lotion.
I can't live without it.   I know that seems like a strange thing to make someone happy, but it does.  I have always had extremely dry skin.  Well something happened after my hysterectomy that turned my skin into lizard skin. Seriously.  Lizard.  Skin.   It is so gross.  And itchy.  I have stockpiled lotion in every part of our apartment, as well as my purse, car and desk at work.  I simply cannot be without it.  I have even been know to stop and buy some when we are out and I realize I have forgotten mine at home.  I was able to pick these up in a 2 minute walk from our living room to our bathroom.  Perhaps the lotion is more of an obsession than something that makes me happy?  :)

Lastly, these rice crackers.  I am addicted to them.  In fact, Joe is out right now getting some for me.  Mmmmmmmm.................!

Now I must nominate some of my sweet friends.  I had  a hard time choosing only a few, because there are so many of you in blog land that I consider my friends, but here goes:

K, at Spectacular S-  K is another blogger that I have "known" online for years, but haven't had the pleasure of meeting in person.  Something is in the works to remedy that right now. :)  I have learned so much from K about attachment and parenting and I love visiting her blog to get my fix of her sweet daughter "S".

Rhonda at Our Journey to Little Maple-  Rhonda has been such a pillar of support for me over the last year.  She has talked me down off the ledge more than once in the last few months.  Thanks Rhonda!  We are both waiting impatiently for our little ones from China.  One day we will introduce our daughters to one another.  I don't know when.  But one day.

JourneyWoman- another blogger in the line to adopt, I have had the pleasure of meeting her in real life. Oh how I wish we lived closer to each other.  Her writing often moves me to tears and at times I feel like she has taken  the words directly from my head and put them on paper.

Shanny, over at Bless Your Heart- Shannon is one of the funniest, sweetest people I "know".  Her blog posts always keep me in stitches. 

DeAnn, at Displaced Southerner.  My partner in crime at my job. The stories we could tell.  But we won't.  Because if we did we'd have to kill you.  :)

What I've been up to

The last month and a half has been incredibly difficult.  I'm glad it's over.

Let's see.  Where should I start?

I started walking.  Every day.  I was up to 4 miles a day and I felt great.  Then I injured my groin.  And it hurt.  A lot.  The walking was sidelined.  I was bummed.

Shortly after that I got a head cold.

Followed by a kidney infection.  Ouch.

Started walking again.  

The head cold got better.  Or so I thought.  A week later became very ill.  Had the flu.  Was more sick than I have ever been.  Felt weak and crummy for 5 days straight.

Went to the doctor because the cough from the flu wouldn't go away.

Was diagnosed with pneumonia.  Fabulous.

Joe got the flu.  We were both sick.  Had no one to cook for me :)

Started to feel slightly better from the pneumonia.

Went to the dentist to finish the root canal that was started over a month ago.  Couldn't eat solid food(again) for four days.

The feeling better from the pneumonia went away and I started feeling worse. 

Caught some sort of stomach bug.  That combined with the pneumonia made me feel the most miserable I have ever felt in my entire life.

Spent literally three full weekends in bed.  Felt useless.


In between all of the sicknesses, some very stressful stuff happened.  Became completely panicked. Hit a low point.  Felt awful, emotionally and physically.  Started feeling all "woe is me"  and gloomy again.  Retreated to my bedroom every hour I wasn't at work.  Joe got worried.

Began feeling healthy enough to start walking again.  Started walking again.  Had a hard time getting into the groove.  Walking helped with the  gloom.

Some of the stressful stuff got worked out. Not all of it.  But some of it.  Began to feel slightly less panicked.  Still trying to dig out of the mess that the stressful stuff left behind.

Oh yeah, somewhere in all of that I got a hair cut.  Hated it for the first week, but then got used to it and actually started to like it.

Between the walking, the flu diet, the pneumonia, and  root canal diet,  I lost 15 pounds.

I'm not complaining.  I certainly had 15 pounds to lose, but that's a lot of weight to lose in such a short period of time and most of it was due to being sick so I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.  Also, now my pants don't fit and I can't afford to buy new ones so I guess I'll be buying a few belts to help keep them on.


Hooked up with a childhood friend on FB that I haven't seen in 25 years.  We met for lunch yesterday.  We talked, and talked(and talked) for four and a half hours.   It was like no time had passed at all.  I can't wait to meet up with her again and hopefully rekindle our friendship.

I finally feel like the sicknesses and stress are behind me and I'm  ready for the month ahead.

Oh, I also signed up to do something that is wayyyyyy outside of my comfort zone and I'm a little scared but mostly excited.  I'm not ready to share yet but I will soon.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to.  How about you?

Change is Good

The Things We Leave Behind

Sometimes I have a tendency to get all dark and twisty and  think about my mortality.

This month I have been contemplating it more because we recently went to a funeral.  Funerals tend to do that to me.

As I looked around at the hundreds of people who came to say their goodbyes to a wonderful man, I thought about what I might want my own funeral to be like.  Of course I do realize that I won't know one way or another.  But I think about it sometimes.  Where I would want it to be, what kind of music I would want played, who I  hope would would attend.

And then I think to myself "Man, this is kind of dark" and I think about something else.  :)

Today is my Mom's birthday.  She has been gone 13 years.  She would have been 76.

When I reminisce about my Mom, I remember some of the the things she left behind.

She left people behind.  Me.  My sister.   My brother.   My Dad.  Sister and Brother in laws and nieces.

She left behind photographs. Although not that many.  I'm not sure I even have a photograph of my Mom before the age of 16 or 17.  I think that's why I scrapbook.  I wanted to leave behind something for my kids.

She left behind things that she made.  Crafty things. Crocheted blankets.  Needlepoint.

Most importantly I think about  what she she left behind in me.

She left me her creativity and the joy of making things with my hands.  She left behind her love of all things Christmas, and the desire to celebrate it to its fullest.   She left behind the desire to do things for others, to bring happiness to other people in some small(or sometimes large) ways.  She left behind her love of children. She wanted nothing more than to have grandchildren.  I wish I could have given that to her.

I have to admit that I no longer think about my Mom or miss her every single day.  Time does that to you.

The sadness and grief eventually fade, until all you are left with are fond memories.

Special days will bring my Mom to the forefront of my mind for a period of time.


Mother's Day.

Christmas.

The day she died.

Today.  Her birthday.

The other day I was walking at the local park and I came across this bench.

As I got closer, I saw this plaque on it

This is the view from that bench.

I would like something like this after I die.  A place for people(any people-not just loved ones), to come and sit and be at peace.

The one thing that I would hope for after I'm gone is to be remembered. To know that I had an impact on at least one person's life and that they think of me fondly from time to time.




We remember you Mom.

Happy Birthday.





Today is also my sweet friend Kayce's birthday, along with her beautiful daughter.  Happy Birthday Kayce and Cricket!  I wish I could have been there to celebrate with you!

There is no education like adversity. -- Disraeli

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
                        -- Henry David Thoreau

I hope this is true. 

I need to take a break. I don't want to. But I need to.  It's a shame because I felt like I was just getting back into the blogging groove. 

I am still feeling thankful every day.  I am.  I wake up every morning feeling thankful for a new day.

But every time I think that nothing else could possibly go wrong, it does.  I'm at the breaking point here and I just need some time to process. 

I will be back.  

With everything in my life that has been uncertain, I have always had this place to vent, to share, and receive support from wonderful people who I consider my friends, even though most of you I have never met.

Thank you for that.

I have one post scheduled for my Mom's birthday on Monday, but after that I need to take a step back and assess some things and figure out the best course of action for us.

I'm not sure how long that will take. I hope not long.

 

Thankful things:

Between the walking and what I'm calling "The Flu Diet", I have lost 10 pounds.  I am fitting into jeans I haven't been able to wear in a year and a half.  What's not to be thankful for about that?

I am thankful that Joe and I have each other.  If nothing else, we have that, and I know we will persevere. Together.

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
                        -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

About Last Night

So yeah, I mentioned that I was feeling better today.  What I didn't mention is how rough last night was.

Around 9:00 I started having chills and a severe headache.  Like the worst headache I have had, ever. I took some Advil.  I know, I'm not supposed to take Advil but desperate times call for desperate measures, right?  So I took 2 Advil.  No relief.  So I took one more.  At this point I was feeling so poorly that I decided to go to bed.  I was having chills so bad I was shaking.  I piled as many blankets as I could find on me and attempted to go to sleep.  No luck.  Too much coughing to sleep.  Got up and took some Robitussin.  Took my temperature.  It was 101.  This after I had taken 3 Advil.

At this point I remembered what the nurse had told me. If I got worse I should consider going to the hospital, at the very least to be given I.V. fluids.  Contemplated it for a moment but honestly I was feeling so ill the thought of getting up and driving over to the hospital made me want to cry.  I decided to wait and see how I felt in the morning.

Tried to go back to sleep.  I was *freezing* cold.   Literally shaking.  Finally managed to doze of into a fitful sleep.

Woke up at 2:30 to use the bathroom.  While in there I started to feel dizzy and extremely nauseous. Started vomiting.  Felt the most miserable I have ever felt in my entire life.  Thankfully the vomiting didn't last long.  Stumbled back to bed.  Managed to doze off again.

An hour later woke up feeling like the sheets were wet.  Turned on the light to find it was in fact me that was soaking wet, along with the sheets and pillows I was sleeping on.  I'm guessing that meant the fever had broken.

Finally fell into a deep sleep and stayed that way until the morning.  Woke up this morning feeling almost normal(aside from the cough and body aches).

It's looking now like I most certainly had(have) the flu.  I can understand why the nurse thought it might only be a cold, as some of the flu like symptoms didn't come on until after I spoke with him, but deep down I suspected it was the flu.  I need to listen to my intuition more.  I'm not sure how it would have changed things, because I was dead set against going to the hospital(even though I probably should have).  But I should not be so stubborn and I need to take care of myself better. 

I hope I didn't infect too many people.  I'm sure Joe will come down with it, but I'm hoping my co-workers will be spared, as well as the children I work with on Mondays and Wednesdays.  Especially the babies.  I'm always kissing on them.

O.K. I'm done talking about how sick I have been.  I do realize how boring it is.

Thankful Things

It's times like this when things aren't going exactly the way I wish they would that I need to remember to be thankful.


I'm thankful for movies.  I haven't been able to leave the house all weekend. We've been watching some movies to try and keep us entertained.  So far we have watched "Fatal Attraction" (I will not be ignored, Dan), "Marley and Me" (can you believe I've never seen this?  Totally bawling at the end of this one), "The Day the Earth Stood Still"(Meh.  Joe chose this one).  Today we are going to watch 500 days of Summer".  I heard it was good.

I'm thankful to be feeling a little better today.  The fever and chills are gone.  The hacking cough and the achy muscles remain.  I feel like I've been hit with a baseball bat.

I'm thankful for books.  I go through phases where I either read a lot or not at all.  The last month I have been reading a lot.

I finished the thankful book I talked about in this post.

It has helped me so much.  I wake up everyday thankful for something.  Sometimes it's just that I woke up at all.  I express gratitude to people as much as I can.  The other day I made someone important to me cry because she was so touched by my outpouring of gratitude to her.  It feels good to let other people know how they are impacting your life.  It also helps me put the focus back on the things I have instead of the things I don't.  I'm not saying every day is sunshiny and I never feel negative.  I do.  But I try very hard to steer my negative thinking back to reasons I am lucky.

I also just finished this book and I loved it so much. You know how some books are so good you never want them to end?  That's how this book was for me.

It's called "Eternal on the Water" by Joseph Monninger.  I have never read his books before.  I'm hoping to find some more of his stuff at the library.

P.S. I plan on donating this one to the library so if there is anyone that wants it, drop me an e-mail.  scrappermg(at)att.net

I have also been re-reading "The Lovely Bones".  This is one of my favorite books. I read it while I was on the plane(and bus, train and taxi) in China.  I'm sad that I lost that copy of it because I had written some things in the back of it about my experiences there.

I have been going to bed a half hour early so I can get some good reading in.  That's kind of significant for me because on the nights I don't work I am in bed between 9:15 and 9:45.  That means some nights I am in bed before 9:00!

We have nothing going on today, aside from trying to feel better.

Sickness. Blargh.

Well yesterday's "cold" has turned into something a lot worse.  I haven't been this sick in a very long time. We thought I might have the flu.

This scared us. Because I have a compromised immune system(due to the kidney disease), the flu can be dangerous for me.

We were contemplating a trip to the E.R.  I really (really) didn't want to go to the E.R.  I called the 24 hour nurse line today and they said I should wait and see how I felt in the morning.

They don't think it's the flu.  Just an upper respiratory infection.  Or a very bad cold.

Thank goodness.

I still feel perfectly rotten.  I hope I feel better tomorrow.

First the leg injury, now this. It truly is always something with me.

Sigh.

Forced Thankfulness

Can I be perfectly honest?

I'm not feeling thankful today.  At all.

The head cold I had last week turned into Bronchitis.  My chest hurts and I am wheezing and I don't feel good.

My leg still hurts.  I went on a very easy, slow walk last night(I even took Joe with me to make sure I didn't overdo it) but my leg hurts a lot today.  It was probably too soon.

I miss the way the walking made me feel.  I'm not sure when I will be able to start up again and that puts me in a bad mood.

My back is hurting again like it did when I had the kidney infection.  I'm not sure why, as I just finished the antiobiotics from the last one.

The issue we were having at the beginning of the week has not resolved itself and I can feel myself slipping into panic mode.

Ummmmmm.................whine much?  Sheesh.

At least today is Friday.  So there you go.

I am thankful it is Friday.  That's about all I got today.

Thankful Thursday

--I know I say this all the time, but I am thankful for my husband.  Today during our walk he said something I found to be so funny that I laughed until I cried.  I love that we still have that much fun after all these years.

--I am thankful my leg is starting to feel better. It's not %100 yet, and we took a very slow walk tonight and I am quite sore now but it is slowly healing.  I'm hoping it feels better this weekend.  I am having serious withdrawals here!  As an added bonus, I have started to see a more significant weight loss from the exercise.

--I am thankful for the beautiful weather we have been having.  It was in the low 80's today.  We're supposed to have rain again early next week again, so I am sucking as much joy out of this weather as I can.

--Tomorrow is Friday.  Woo Hoo!

Sidelined

You know what I hate?

When things seem to be going along smoothly and you get into a groove and it feels good and then something happens and everything gets off track.

My exercising has been sidelined for now by an injury.  Yesterday I was walking around the lake near my work before I went to my second job.

I made it two miles around when I felt like I was getting a cramp at the top of my thigh.  I stopped for a second then tried to walk it off.  The pain was too great and I had to stop.  Joe was watching me from the car and could see that I was struggling so he came and helped me get to the car.  At this point I knew it was more than a cramp, most likely a muscle strain.


Long story short, I pulled a muscle in my groin.  It is very painful.  It's hard to hobble.  Forget about walking for exercise.

To be honest, I don't even care about the pain.

I'm sad and disappointed that I'm not able to keep some goals I set for myself because now I have to rest a couple of days(at the least).

On top of that I miss the release that I was getting from the exercising so now I'm grouchy too.

Hmph.

Something else has gone off track and it is taking all of me not to go into complete panic mode about it.  I can't get into it here, but it has to do with something we had a huge problem with at the beginning of Joe's unemployment, then everything was o.k. for awhile and now problems have popped up again which have brought it to a standstill yet again.

It is causing some rather serious complications for us.

I'm not going to succumb to the panic though.  Nope.  I will not panic over something I cannot control. (I just keep reciting this mantra to myself over and over and over).

In trying to keep up with the positive attitude, here are my thankful things for today:

--I am thankful for the circle of support we have built around ourselves to help us cope as a couple in difficult situations.  How lucky we are to not have to deal with these things on our own.

--I am thankful for the books I got at the library the other day.  I need something to escape our reality right now.

--O.K. this is stretching it because I'm having a hard time with these today but I'm thankful for Dancing with the Stars, because I love that show and we are about to watch it right now(I'm always a day behind on my shows because I can't watch t.v. on Mon. or Wed. nights). 

Well that was kind of a pathetic attempt at being positive.  Tomorrow I will be better.

Earthquakes and Easter Eggs

That pretty much sums up our Easter.

Joe and I had no plans for Easter this year.  Easter sometimes feels like one of those "kid holidays"(like Christmas and Halloween), You dress your kids up in pretty clothes, buy them an Easter basket, take pictures with the Easter bunny and take them on Easter egg hunts.

Obviously we can't do any of that.

Joe and I went to Easter services on Saturday night, and planned on just hanging around the house today. We did buy some eggs and dye so we could dye some Easter eggs in the afternoon.

I had just taken the eggs out of the ice water bath and was peeling them at the sink when our apartment  started swaying.

And I mean swaying.  


Like a tree in a strong wind.  


Joe had just walked down the stairs to get in the car to go to the store and I ran out on our entryway and started screaming like a banshee  "Do you feel that, do you feel that?  EARTHQUAKE!!!"


There may have been another word uttered that would be inappropriate to write here.


Hey, I never said I was good under pressure.


I stood in the doorway waiting for it to end.  But it didn't.  The building kept on swaying.  And swaying.  And swaying.


I was so scared I ran down the stairs to be closer to Joe.


You what's not a good idea?  Running down the stairs during an earthquake.  See above statement about not being good under pressure.


And did I mention that when I ran downstairs I left my dog in our apartment to fend for herself?  Nice.  Maybe it's a good thing we don't have children.


We stood on the grass outside and just kept on swaying.


It was scary.


Turns out is was a 7.2 earthquake in Baja, CA(a couple hundred miles south of us).


It lasted about 45 seconds, which is a long time for an earthquake, and felt like much longer.


I was really shaken up.  Ha!


After  my nerves calmed I continued with the dying of the easter eggs and making deviled eggs.  Yum!


Here are some pictures.




Eggs ready to boil

Finished product

Scooped out yolks

Ready to fill.

Deviled eggs.  Yum!

Aside from the swaying, we had a pretty good Easter.  

How about you?

Happy Easter

Lucky

I found a present that my husband made me for our anniversary one year under our bed when I was looking for my Bible( I know.  But at least it's not under there anymore)

He made me a notebook with stories and poems he had written for me over the years, along with 101 reasons why he loved me.  It had been a long time since I read it.

I was stunned with the beauty of his writing.  I was stunned as well with his outpouring of love for me.

I asked him if I could share some of his writings.  He begrudgingly agreed. 

Here is one of the poems that was in the notebook:

You are my winter sunrise, my April shower, my slow lazy summer evening,
You are my gusty autumn red mapleleaf pinwheeling down the street
You are my frigid January beach, my laughter in the canyons,
You are my icicle at midday--the momentary diamond
You are my grey garden stone--ten thousand years and patient yet
You are my old iron oak tree, swaying in the rain, 
You are my young brook skipping over round river stones,
You are my winter sunrise, my falling star, my blue moonlight on an empty sea
You are my high forest meadow, loud with butterfly wings,
You are my muddy jungle track, dripping with fresh rain,
You are my everything.




How did I get so lucky?  What did I do to deserve this?




I  think it goes without saying what I am thankful for today.

Thankful Things

I’m thankful to be attending Good Friday services tonight, and I’m thankful that Joe has agreed to go with me. I’ll be attending the old church I used to go to, because my new church doesn’t have Good Friday services. Tomorrow night I will attend the Easter service at the church I went to last week. I know it’s not the same as going to church on Easter but I can’t handle the crowds.




I am thankful that we have found so many cool places to go hiking. Yesterday we hiked a four mile trail and half of it was uphill. It was hard! But I did it. I can’t believe how much better shape I am in since I started walking just three weeks ago. There is no way I would been able to hike that trail then.



I am thankful that Joe has embraced my newfound fitness goals so completely. After he drops me off at work he has been scoping out new trails for us to hike on his way home. It might not be what he necessarily wants to be doing every day in the evenings but because it is important to me, it is important to him.



Happy Easter, or Happy Weekend for my friends who don’t celebrate Easter.