Monday, November 14, 2005
Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I wasn't feeling great. I didn't even leave the house. I spent all day Saturday at a friend's son's birthday party. I had a great time. The food was good, the company great. It was a good party, as usual. I wasn't feeling sad at all like I usually do at these kinds of events. The only hard part of the party was that one of the women there was very pregnant. With twins. I could not bring my self to talk to her! I'm not kidding. I would find her standing beside me and I would turn towards her to engage in conversation and a huge lump would form in the back of my throat and I was unable to speak. I could taste the tears in the back of my throat. I ended up walking away from her on several occasions. She probably thought I was so rude! I hate that I act this way. It's like I have no control over my emotions. I am usually a very nice person. I have no problem talking to anyone. I go out of my way to talk to elderly people and handicapped people that I meet. So why can't I talk to pregnant women? It certainly isn't their fault I can't get pregnant! When will I get over this? I can't go the rest of my life ignoring pregnant women! Will I ever be O.K. with this? The situation is probably made worse by the fact that I am so close to starting my period, but it's still no excuse. I think I am going to need a lot more therapy to deal with these issues. That's it! I'll go tell my PREGNANT therapist how much I dislike pregnant women! Then I'll feel much better! Ha Ha! It's either laugh or cry, and Lord knows I've certainly done enough crying.