Today I had a follow up visit with the doctor that performed my surgery in December. If you remember, I had that surgery to help relieve me of the extreme pain I deal with every month due to the endometriosis. They were supposed to cut the nerves inside my pelvis, as well as clean out any endo they found. On our last visit the doc informed me things didn't go exactly as planned. I was a mess inside, and they weren't able to get as many nerves as we had hoped. He did say that he thought he got a few, and hopefully I would be feeling some relief. Despite those encouraging words, this month's cycle wound up being one of my worst ever. I had terrible pain and spent three whole days in bed completely doped up on Percocet. I'm finally feeling better now that I've finally started my period. So today is the first time I've been able to talk to the doctor since two days after the surgery. This is how the visit went:
The doctor walks into the room and tells me he heard that I had a very bad cycle this month(I had called his office and talked to the nurse after the third day of extreme pain). He tells me he's sorry I've had such a hard time.
What the Doctor actually said: "We got the results back from the lab, and all of the tissue we cut out tested negative for nerve tissue." In other words, they didn't get any nerves at all. None. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
What I heard: That surgery was a complete waste of our time. We didn't accomplish anything.
What he said: "We could try and go back in and see if we can get a better look."
What I heard: This pain will never go away. To control it, you must have risky, painful surgeries at least once a year.
What he said: "We have to decide what you want to do from here. You could go on birth control to try and control the pain."
What I heard:: There is no way that you will ever be able to become pregnant(ever), so you may as well just give up now.
What he said: "Let's give it a couple more cycles to see if you get any relief. Maybe that last cycle wasn't representative of future cycles."
What I heard: Why don't you just spend another couple of months in complete and total agony and see how you feel after that?
What he said(after that last comment didn't sit well with me) "Try these two pain killers together and see if they bring you any relief."
What I heard: Here are two prescriptions for drugs your insurance company won't cover, so you can pay a ton of money you don't have and spend two weeks out of every month in a drug induced haze.
What he said:"If worst comes to worst we may have to go back in and take everything out."
What I heard:There is really nothing more we can do for you. In addition to all of the pain and torture you have been through, you will probably have to have all of your womanly parts removed from your body at the age of thirty five and spend the rest of your life on Hormone Replacement Therapy, which puts you at risk for a myriad of other bad things which we won't get into now.
So I left the office in tears, and I feel them welling up as I type this. I'm at the end of my rope. There's nowhere to go but up from here. Right?