Thursday, July 24, 2008

I just had to take a second and say thank you for all of your kind comments. I also received some wonderfully supportive e-mails from people(that I don't even know!) That's one of the reasons I continue this blog. I have found support here that I have not been able to find in my "real life". It helps me so much too, to know that I am not the only one who feels these things. I was afraid that people would judge me and say that maybe I shouldn't go through with the adoption if I had these kinds of doubts. I feel just a little bit more "normal" now that I see I am not alone. I think I just got scared because I have been feeling such a sense of detachment about the adoption. From Sophie. I can't feel that connection anymore. I hope that feeling comes back in a year or so, or whenever we start getting a bit closer to a referral. That post is something that has been rolling around in my head for a long time and I think just needed to get it out there. Thank you for your support and understanding.

And hey, today we have been logged in for 21 months. I didn't intend for this post to coincide with that date, but that's what happened.

As far as the "disclaimer" at the end of the last post, I get a lot of anonymous comments regarding our financial state. The comments aren't necessarily nasty. Most of them are spot on true. People want to know how we intend to pay for our trip to China. Or they wonder why we do certain things(like buy a new camera, or go on a camping trip) when we don't even have enough money for me to see my kidney doctor right now. These are very valid questions. But some things are no one's business but mine and my family's. I know it seems like I put every aspect of my life out on this blog, but there is so much more that I don't put out there. So much more. And if you really want to know these things, send me an e-mail with your name on it, and I might decide to give you the info you want. But don't hide behind "anonymous" and expect me to respond. If you are afraid to wite your name to what you say then maybe you should think twice about what (and why) you're saying it.

I'm getting off of my soapbox now.

Thank you to each and every person who responded in such a kind manner. I actually brought tears to my eyes to read some of your comments. Thank you.


Andie said...

Oh Darlin. I want to jump right through here and hug you.

I feel some of your pain. I read your last post and although I adopted foster children, my road was long and hard also. 8 years for my bebes and I waited 12 before I let my dr talk me into a hysterectomy.

I came to you from Retro Girl.

I am glad I found you....sending you hugs and prayers.

Rhonda said...

Sending you a huge hug...hopefully you got a chance to read my email.

T said...

Michelle, I think you wrote a very brave and honest post the other day. I just read it, and your follow-up to it, and I wanted to say that I am so sorry that your wait has been so incredibly long. Especially when you witnessed such a short wait for sweet Gracie. For the little bit it's worth (if any!), our sweetie, Nathaniel, was born two weeks before I turned 40 years old in December. And we received ICPC clearance to leave the state where he was born and head back home the day after I turned 40. All I can say is that when that time finally comes, you won't worry about your age. I didn't. I considered it the best 40th birthday present ever. (But ack, 40...still can't believe I'm 40! I was always the youngest in my class, in my family, did this age thing happen?!)

I was just working on a story on adoption and there are some domestic agencies that charge low upfront fees with the bulk due at placement. Lemme know if you're ever interested in exploring a domestic adoption while you wait for your Sophie and I can share some info with you. I found some really great agencies in the San Francisco area in particular. Almost enough to make me want to jump into the game again...but then I think, no, I am 40 and one might just be enough. sorry for the eight-year wait for your baby. Waiting sucks. I want to say someting about how when your baby finally does arrive, you will forget all the pain and suffering that led you to your darling's arms. But I know that at this point, you probably can't even fathom that moment will ever come. But eventually, it will. And your heart will soar with love for your angel. I don't have to tell you all I went through to bring Nathaniel home (even though you know our wait was embarrassingly short for the actual adoption, not trying to compare that to your situation at all so I hope you're not offended.) But with six IUI's, six IVF's, two FET's, one with donor sperm, one with donor embryo and two miscarriages, well, there was a lot of heartbreak. But now, I see all of that as the path that led me to my child. I even woke up this morning in a totally corny mood, thinking of the words to a Rascal Flatts song, "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you." It's so true, Michelle. One day, you can wake up with corny thoughts, too, as you go in to wake up Sophie and make her breakfast. And I can't wait until that day happens. You and Joe deserve that and so much more. Big hugs and love from Kentucky...

OH MY #6 said...


we have all been there and will be there again before this wait ends. You are getting so close. Hang in there.

Getting off your chest always, always, always, helps.

xo X 50!

3D said...

I admire your bravery and candor. I hope you feel better knowing that you are not alone and surrounded and supported by many who are in the same boat. And you do not have to justify anything to anyone. Your life, your rules, yours to live.

Keep smilin!

Anonymous said...

Why don't you remove the ability to leave Anonymous comments? (Sorry-could not resist!) Happy Friday!!

Michelle said...

Hi anonymous-I did take down the anonymous commenting feature for awhile, but I had a couple of friends who don't have bogger accounts and couldn't comment so I changed it back. I will probbaly put comment moderation on and be done with it.

I guess I just don't get the need to be anonymous. Maybe you can elighten us? :)

Lisa said...

I love my comment moderation feature for two reasons

A-I get to see my comments without going to my blog.

B-I don't post anything I don't like.

To be honest I think there have only been 2 times I have not posted a comment but it really does make me feel better.

As far as people judging your financial decessions I say how dare them...right or wrong in what they say its just RUDE!!!