I just had to take a second and say thank you for all of your kind comments. I also received some wonderfully supportive e-mails from people(that I don't even know!) That's one of the reasons I continue this blog. I have found support here that I have not been able to find in my "real life". It helps me so much too, to know that I am not the only one who feels these things. I was afraid that people would judge me and say that maybe I shouldn't go through with the adoption if I had these kinds of doubts. I feel just a little bit more "normal" now that I see I am not alone. I think I just got scared because I have been feeling such a sense of detachment about the adoption. From Sophie. I can't feel that connection anymore. I hope that feeling comes back in a year or so, or whenever we start getting a bit closer to a referral. That post is something that has been rolling around in my head for a long time and I think just needed to get it out there. Thank you for your support and understanding.
And hey, today we have been logged in for 21 months. I didn't intend for this post to coincide with that date, but that's what happened.
As far as the "disclaimer" at the end of the last post, I get a lot of anonymous comments regarding our financial state. The comments aren't necessarily nasty. Most of them are spot on true. People want to know how we intend to pay for our trip to China. Or they wonder why we do certain things(like buy a new camera, or go on a camping trip) when we don't even have enough money for me to see my kidney doctor right now. These are very valid questions. But some things are no one's business but mine and my family's. I know it seems like I put every aspect of my life out on this blog, but there is so much more that I don't put out there. So much more. And if you really want to know these things, send me an e-mail with your name on it, and I might decide to give you the info you want. But don't hide behind "anonymous" and expect me to respond. If you are afraid to wite your name to what you say then maybe you should think twice about what (and why) you're saying it.
I'm getting off of my soapbox now.
Thank you to each and every person who responded in such a kind manner. I actually brought tears to my eyes to read some of your comments. Thank you.