Saturday, December 17, 2005
Are we having fun yet?
The answer is still NO. I wish I could say that angry Michelle from the earlier post was gone, but she just isn't. I don't think I've ever been in this much pain. ever. I'm ready for it to start abating now. I think I've been punished enough. Oh yeah, I was going to tell you why my post-op appt. didn't go as well as we had hoped. First off, he says he "got a few nerves", but certainly "not all of them". And do you know WHY he didn't get them all? Because there was so much other stuff in there to deal with that it(the surgery) simply went on too long. He says I "should" get some relief from the nerves he did get, but we might have to go back in at a later point. WHAT?! NO!!! I don't care how long the surgery was getting, the main goal was to cut the nerves, and they couldn't even accomplish that much? Disappointed doesn't even begin to explain how I am feeling. I just want to cry. Actually, I did cry, but it hurt my stomach too much and I had to make myself stop. This surgery HAS TO WORK. I can't be in pain anymore. I can't. I'm too tired. How can I have a one year old and be in pain? I should have just had them take everything out. My insides aren't doing me any good anyway. The other bit of bad news he had for me was that my left ovary and left tube are folded over on themselves and he was unable to free them(again, due to time constraints). In other words, there is simply no possibility of becoming pregnant while ovulating on that side. That cuts out chances in half, from whatever weak odds we had before. I wish I had known this before they went in. This means the chances of me needing to have another surgery in the next 3-4 years is pretty likely. I'm in so much pain and so beaten down right now, I think I'd better just stay off the blog for awhile. Maybe when I start feeling better I'll see the silver lining. Because right now all I see are dark clouds.