Thursday, December 08, 2005

Not the best day ever, but certainly not the worst

Today started out not so great. It began like many other days, with severe pain, followed by throwing up, followed my a severe migraine type headache. I say migraine "type" because I didn't have any of the symptoms I usually have that lead up to a migraine. A migraine could account for the upchucking, but I do this every month around this time, so it's hard to say. Work is extremely stressful right now. The kids are hyper(Darn Christmas!), and I'm working overtime to get things ready for my absence. It was so crazy there yesterday, I actually started looking forward to having the surgery and a little peace!
I also burst out crying today when I found out one of our Moms is pregnant(again!). Here's my side of the story, just so you don't think I am an overemotional crazy woman. You might think that anyway, but here goes: One of our moms that I haven't seen in awhile(about six months) came into our building to use the bathroom. I've known her for a long time(like 6 years), and both of her daughters, ages 7 and 10 came to us when they were smaller. She was pushing her six month old baby girl in the stroller, and she asked me to keep an eye on her while she went into the restroom. I didn't want to be rude, so I went and stood over by the stroller and she went into the restroom. I leaned down and smiled and cooed at the baby, like a normal person would. I handled the situation very well up until that point. Finally she came out of the restroom and went over to the sink to wash her hands. I hadn't gotten a good look at her yet, as she was facing away from me most of the time. After washing up, she turned towards me. I was surprised to see that she still had quite a stomach on her, as she was always a very slim person and the baby was 7 months old. It seemed odd to me that all of her baby weight was still so concentrated around her belly(Man, I'm an idiot!). She collected her baby and left the building and I turned to my boss and said "That's strange", to which my boss answered "What is?" And I said, "It's strange that her baby is seven months old and she still looks so pregnant." I was turned away from her when I said this, so when she didn't reply right away I looked at her to see if she had heard me. She was looking at me with a strained look on her face. Naively I asked "What?", still not getting it. She replied. "Wellll..... That's because she IS pregnant." "WHAT?!! I replied(quite loudy, I might add). You mean she has three girls already, one of which is only seven months old AND she's five months pregnant?" It was at that point that I burst into tears and exclaimed "That's just not fair!" Another co-worker kindly said to me " Well, Michelle, life isn't fair." I quickly went in to the restroom myself to keep myself from punching her in the face compose myself. It took me a few mintutes to gain control of my emotions. Shortly after that conversation I left work to go to my Pre-Op appt. for the Big Scary surgery. I was then subjected to a waiting room full of pregnant women, most of them leaving the office with cute little ultrasound pictures. The appointment itself went well(more on that later), but all in all I was feeling just a little bitter and teary eyed and was glad to get out of there. Imagine my dismay when we get all the way to the car only to realize I had left my sweater in the examination room. So we start the long trudge up the hill towards the medical building again, and just before we get on the elavator I exclaim(again, quite loudly) "I don't want to go back up there with all of those stupid pregnant women!" As we board the elavator, two people that had apparently been standing directly behind us got on with us. It was a man with his visibly pregnant wife, and they had obviously heard what I had said. Of course they were going to the same office we were. Nice. Now I'm the infertile woman who has issues. We went in , retrieved my sweater and quickly got the heck out of there. Don't worry, I have therapy in a few days and I'll try to work through some of these anger issues. Really. I will.

P.S. The reason this wasn't one of my worst days. After having a meltdown over the pregnant Mom at work, my boss chooses that exact moment to tell me that her Cancer is back. She has three brain tumors. They are going to do radiation on the 16th. Yes, I may have had a rotten day, and I may not be able to conceive a child, but I don't have Cancer. And for that I am thankful.


Gracencameronsmomy said...

Oh my god, Kathy's cancer is back??What is the prognosis?? You need to find a doctor that doesn't do OB...

Michelle said...

Yes, the cancer is back. So far it seems to be confined to only the brain(only??). The prognosis is very good. She'll have Gamma Knife to blast away the tumors. So far no more Chemo or anything else awful. It's been 16 months since any tumors were found in her brain, and five years since the masectomy, with no reocurrance any where else in the body. That's very good. We are all very hopeful.(But still praying like crazy)