Still numb

I am still feeling emotional today. I went to write a check and realized the date. April 17th. My Mom's birthday. I had kind of forgotten about it. I mean, I knew when it was, but didn't realize it was in a couple of days. She would have been seventy three. Or four. I'm a terrible daughter because I'm not sure. Are you supposed to know how old someone would have been if they hadn't died? I had such a wonderful weekend and now am having such a terrible week. A terrible, horrible, no good , very bad week. Maybe I'll move to Australia. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, that is one of my favorite books to read to the kids). I am counting down my days left at work(seventeen). That makes me sad. I want to move on, but I'm really going to miss the kids. I am staring to stress out about the surgery. What if I'm not doing the right thing? I am awfully young for a hysterectomy. So many things are up in the air right now. My job, our finances(how are we going to pay our bills with me on disability?), my health, everything. I finally got my cell phone up and running. Finally. That's something. I want to go back to this weekend. I had such a good time. I am very lucky to have people like that to share this adoption journey with. I'll try to focus on that. There, I feel better already.


I miss you Mom. Happy Birthday.