Friday, October 21, 2005
It is 5:00 a.m. and here I am, posting to my blog. I've been up since 3:30 a.m. This insomnia is kicking my butt big time. I have a doctor's appt. on Tuesday to discuss changing my thyroid med. Hopefully that will resolve the insomnia issues. Man, I hope so. Aside from the tirade on my blog yesterday, I had a pretty good day. I started, so the pain is gone. Poof! Just like that the pain is gone. That always amazes me, how I can go from excruciating pain for 12 days straight, to feeling just peachy the next. It's a baffling disease. Now I have a favor to ask. It is for any of you that read my blog on a semi-regular basis. I need to ask you something. The little speech I made yesterday was directed at one person specifically. It's personal, so I won't go into it further, but I need to know how other people feel about the stuff I write on my blog. The depressing stuff. The days on end where I am in horrible pain and depressed, and simply have nothing nice to say. Does it piss you off that I write that stuff? Does it offend you in some way? Does it bring you down? Because I'm trying to decide what to do. I had pretty much already made up my mind that I was going to start a new blog that would be sort of like a journal, one which I would not share the address to. After a long talk with my husband, I am waivering on that decision. First off, let me say Gosh I love that man! He is simply the best. He always listens to me, no matter how sad or irrational I may be, and he always says the most insightful things. I would be lost without him. Long story short, he says I should continue posting to my blog in the manner to which you have become accustomed. He says that anyone that doesn't like it should keep their narrow-minded, nasty opinions to themselves and blow it out their ear!(Edited for not so nice content). After a lot of soul searching, I have decided he is right. No one is forcing you to read this. I am not holding a gun to your head and making you read my blog. I already apologized for the e-mail I sent out with the address in it. I promise I will never send out an e-mail like that again. Haven't you ever had a bad day and said or done something you regret? Well that's what that was. Try to move on now. Writing in this blog helps me. That's it. I read many other blogs on a daily basis. Many of them deal with sadness and anger too. It doesn't offend me at all, or make me feel more depressed. It helps me to see that there are many other people in this world that are in far more pain than I am. It helps me realize that I WILL be alright. But I am interested in how you view this situation. Could you leave me a quick comment letting me know your opinion? If every one of you writes back that you are sick of my whining and that I should just get over it, then fine. I will disappear from blog land. The only postings you will read on this blog are cute things that five year olds say or funny things my dogs do. But if anything on my blog helps you understand the pain of infertility, or the difficulty of having chronic pain or depression, please let me know. Thanks so much.