Monday, October 24, 2005
We have just finished dinner, and I am writing a quick post before we go for a walk. We had one of our favorite meals, Potato Tacos. Yes, they are as bad for you as they sound! Fried Potatoes, served on fried corn tortillas, smothered with cheese, sour cream, and salsa. Yummy! They are not the most healthful meal, which is why we only partake in them once every two to three months. I had another great day today. No pain. For the fourth day in a row! I think we may we headed towards a record here. (Don't worry, I'm not counting down in my head how many "good" days I have left this month. O.K. That was a lie. Of course that's what I am doing. I'm just trying not to dwell on it so much. It's eight days left for those of you trying to figure it out also.) I will be calling the doctor on Friday to schedule my surgery. Well, I'll have to wait for them to call me back to actually schedule it, but at least it's going to get the ball rolling. At the most, I will only have to go through one more cycle like the last three, and I intend on obtaining some Perocet so I don't go through what I did last month. I also promised both my therapist AND my husband that if the pain gets that bad again, I WILL go to the emergency room, no matter how badly I don't want to. I have decided that I like my therapist too much to let a stupid thing like her being pregnant make me stop seeing her. It's hard to build that kind of relationship with someone, and it isn't worth throwing away because of some sadness or anger I might have at seeing her get bigger and bigger each month. I can deal with those feelings as they come up. Right now I'm just grateful to have her. I need for some of these issues I have been dealing with to be resolved. The chronic pain, the depression it causes, the feelings of hopelessness over the infertility. It has gone on long enough. I want my life back, even if it means it will be without kids for the time being. I pray this surgery works for me. I have hope that it will. Hope is all I have right now, but it's better than nothing.